Friday, 21 December 2007

La Belle et La Bête

I was thinking about Belle de Jour tonight and I realised that Bête de Jour is actually a much better name for this blog than I’d originally realised. At first I’d just thought, Beauty and the Beast, La Belle et La Bête, sorted. But now I realise that I am in fact the polar opposite of Belle de Jour.

I’ll tell you why...

First up, Belle de Jour is a woman, whereas I… I am a man. Oh yes.

Second, Belle de Jour – if she is to be believed – is beautiful, whereas I... I am physically repellent.

Then of course, Belle de Jour has lots of readers. Her blog has been up and running, very successfully since 2003, and the spin-off book has apparently sold in excess of 100,000 copies, before the television adaptation with the delightfully goblinesque Billie Piper. Whereas I installed Stat Counter tonight and now know for certain that I have one reader. It is me.

Belle de Jour writes stuff that people want to read. She writes about sex. Sex sells. And fascinates. I intend to write about my attempts to get myself into some kind of decent physical shape and hopefully meet someone who can love me. There is very little chance I will be writing about sex. Unless I start detailing my fantasies, but even then, I very much doubt that ‘The Sexual Fantasies of the Morbidly Obese’ is up there on the list of things people want to read about.

On a similar theme, Belle de Jour is paid a large amount of money to have sex with people. I on the other hand very much doubt that even a large amount of money would induce anyone to sleep with me. Except perhaps, ironically enough, Belle de Jour. Or one of her less expensive colleagues. But you never know. Maybe I’ll seek her out one of these days and find out just how fussy she is.

On Facebook, Belle de Jour has 1,689 friends. I have none. None! That really is shameful. Although I have only just signed up. And I am anonymous. But still. None!

Finally, one other key difference between me and her: Belle de Jour, if people who work in the media are to be believed, doesn’t actually exist. Whereas I merely go through dirty great patches of life wishing I didn’t exist.

So there you have it. La Belle et La Bête. Comme la craie et le fromage. I wonder if she’ll be my Facebook friend? It would be quite a cool way to start. I'm going to ask. But I won't pay.

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Anonymous said...

gosh, you're a very good writer.

M said...

Well, you can count me in as one of your regulars. Cheers! I've had to deal with being an ugly girl too, though for a girl, being "ugly" is relatively easier -anything that's not stunning and cover-page worthy. What I mean to say is, I've wasted and I'm still wasting a large part of my life feeling ugly. Sometimes there's no worse feeling.. With so much investment in pain and time for this one four lettered adjective, I hope to not be disappointed in Armageddon by God telling me, that I wasn't ugly, but just lazy to do all those things I told myself I'd do if I were pretty. Laugh. Cheers mate. Keep writing.