My Dinner With Peter Andre. Kind of. Actually, No. Not Really.

I’ve always said, that Peter Andre – absolute diamond. Warm, wonderful, what you see is what you get. The Geezer. That’s what I’ve always said. Peter Andre? He’s the Geezer. That’s why I was really pleased when he accepted my friendship on Facebook.

Then I discovered he was a fake. Fakebook. I felt a bit sad. And I unfriended him immediately. What kind of person pretends to be someone famous on Facebook? Bloody weirdoes. Anyway, David Walliams hasn’t accepted my friendship either. Neither has Jordan, Jodie Marsh or Eddie Izzard. And I’ve decided to stop being quite so sad and courting celebs. I’m better than that.

Instead, I started a Facebook group. It’s called Ugly Is Only Skin Deep, and the reasoning behind it is this:

There are a great many anti-ugly Facebook groups. ‘I Hate Ugly Hoes!’, ‘People Against The Public Affection Of Ugly Couples’, ‘DAMN YOU UGLY!!!!!!!!!!!’ and ‘Ugly~ @ss hoes @lwayz hatin but we l@ughin @t dem hoe$’, to name but four. So I thought I’d start one in support of people unfortunate enough to have been born under the ugly tree but fortunate enough – unlike the vast majority of people who start Facebook groups it seems – to be intelligent, literate, loving and non-misogynistic.

I can’t be the only one. Surely. Why not join me? Maybe we can go some of the way to stamping out the discrimination against ugly people. Or if not, maybe we can just be friends.

All very doody and hip but there is one problem. I don’t have any friends to invite. Oh, and even if I did, they might not be too enthusiastic to join a self-proclaimed virtual chamber of horrors. (Speaking of horrors, I really can't believe Jodie Marsh turned me down. I might invite her to my group anyway. You never know.) But for the moment it’s just me. Thankfully I enjoy my own company. Most of the time.

Humph. Who am I kidding? But still, sad as I am, at least I’m not this bloke.