Tuesday, 19 May 2009

What the Papers Say :: First Review

This afternoon my book received its first ever review. Thankfully, it was favourable.

What was especially thrilling was that the review appeared in London Lite, which is definitely my favourite free newspaper after The Onion and ShortList and thelondonpaper. And Metro of course. And The Cork Independent. And the Chorley Citizen. And the NY Times (North Yorkshire). Oh, and City AM. No, OK, OK, I’m only joking. I actually don’t like any free newspapers. As a rule. Or at least I didn’t. Until today.

I particularly like the line ‘Cattermole has been called one of the most exciting new literary talents of 2009’. Unfortunately the reviewer doesn’t say who by, and I have a terrible feeling it might have been me. Of course, the fear now is that some slack bugger is going to pull out that quote, without the ‘has been called’ bit and start bandying it around like it’s a fact. And of course, as we know, it only takes one person to write it down and another to read it and it becomes history.

Oh, well. So be it.

Now, publicist lady, if you’re listening, please send a copy to the Chorley Citizen at once.

Everybody else, if you haven’t already, order your copy NOW! Oh, go on. If you get a copy in hardback, I’ll sign it for you. And I’ll sleep with you. If you want. Or I won’t. If you’d prefer.

Um… Thanks.

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Alright Tit said...

Frankly I reckon they're a star short. And I haven't even read it yet.

But, more importantly, WELL DONE YOU. Expect enthusiastic women to form an orderly queue. All the ladies love an author.

Cheers to you, fella. And please do sign my copy. (I'll have a word with my husband about the sex part.) x

SugarCain said...

Well done.

I already knew all that.


I have preordered my copy. Can't wait to read it straight through. I'd like it signed, but you are so far away in your fictional village.

Best wishes.

Selena said...

Congrats! I can't wait to read it! sometime between or slightly after 06/04-06/10.

Llia said...

Ahhhh how nice to write in a box that's not constricted to 140 characters and wittering on about childhood toys... Ahem.

I saw the review on the way home and did an excited inward whoop in the way that one does when seeing something or someone in the paper that's familiar to you. I think it's a great review and I've already put the book on my Amazon wishlist. Not so that someone will buy it for me, you understand, but so I don't forget to buy it.

Our Glamorous Heroine said...

Fantastic. Congratulations. I shall rush out and buy a copy as soon as I've got time to read anything that isn't to do with social work and college.

And I’ll sleep with you.Promises, promises...

Anonymous said...

I was here in the early days as Mr. Fermata. Don't you fucking forget it now you've hit the big time. x

Rose said...

Can't believe I'm so proud of an almost complete stranger. :)

Ian said...

I've pre-ordered, too, and would also love to have my copy signed. Any chance this can be arranged.

*Races back to check letterbox in case it has arrived in the five minutes since he last looked.*

annie.sh said...

This is VERY EXCITING. Think what you like about TLL, an awful lot of people read it. If I'd never heard of you, that review would make me want to investigate your book.

(although no investigation necessary, as I've already ordered it).

Well done! This is just the very beginning, too!


oatmeal girl said...

How glorious!!

I am impressed and jealous.

Have you planned a stateside tour? Or will I have to fly across the Atlantic to get the signature and sex?

Dave2 said...

Many happy congratulations! Any news on an US release?

Janine said...

Well done, you!!! I've pre-ordered my copy and I'm going to take you up on the offer to get it signed!!! :-)


Anonymous said...

Noooice one! I'm old fashioned about buying books.I like to go to a book shop as opposed to ordering online.
I shall wait.
Can't wait.
It's going to be a hawt summer.

Oh, and btw, enjoying your almost daily posts. You're damn fine to read while slurping orange and lemon yoghurt for breaky.

Sun's out in London. I've decided it's going to be a good day.

Have a good day, Stan.


La Bête said...

AT, the thought crossed my swelled head too. In fact, I was going to entitle the blog post ‘Where’s my fifth star, you short-sighted chump?!’ but I decided that humility was the better part of… something. Thank you.

SC, you could always send it, register it to be sure, I could send it back, registering it to be sure. Or I could sign a piece of paper and put it on the internet, you could print it off and paste in the book, or indeed in any book, or on a cheque! And thank you!

Thanks, Selena. Why then? Oh, because you’re a long way away and that’s how long it will take to get there from Amazon UK? You little peach. Thank you.

Llia, thank you for your inward whoop, although I must be honest, an outward whoop would have been preferable. And well done for reading LL. Do you know, the news doesn’t come off in your hands? Or is that the other one?

OGH, social work and college? Social work and college?? You need to work on your priorities, you little minx. And thank you.

Mr Fermata! Is that really you? Wow. I feel like I’m talking to the ghost of blog posts past. You’re beautiful, man. You’re beautiful.

~stops pretending to remember Mr Fermata, moves on~

Thank you, Rose. I’m proud of you too. Just for being you.

Ian, you mad impetuous fool! Bless you for your enthusiasm, but it isn’t actually released for another 8 days. And yes, it can be arranged. I don’t see why not. We can work something out. Maybe something clever.

Annie, yes, I know, LL is a coup really, and I’m chuffed. And thank you.

OG, nothing planned at all yet, but if there’s sex to be had, someone somewhere is definitely going to have to fly across the Atlantic.

Thanks, Dave! Not yet. I’ll hassle the rights lady. No, really, it’ll be my pleasure.

Thanks, Janine. No worries. Woof!

AnnAnon, cheers. It’s sunny here too, and to make matters even more wonderfully ominous, I can see a rainbow too. Up above the streets and houses, rainbow climbing high. Everyone can see it’s climbing – over the sky. I love rainbows. And thank you. You too. First up, I’m off to hospital!

Catofstripes said...

Late to the party as usual, I blame RSS.

Copy preordered.

Anonymous said...

Have you written a book?
Well, why didn't you say so?
What's it about?


Beleaguered Squirrel said...

You might regret the sex promise...

But anyway, tis a brilliant review and I officially hate you, in an utterly small-souled jealous kind of a way. But am looking forward to the book.

Beleaguered Squirrel said...

Hospital? Why?

And... eight days? Bloody HELL, that was fast. You only just finished writing it! You must have a super-fast editor / publisher.

Also... "I could sign a piece of paper and put it on the internet" ... something I learnt from another writer is the signing of stickers for people to put in their books. It's a hell of a lot cheaper, postage-wise. But... does this mean you won't be doing any actual-real-in-the-flesh book-signing events? Oh go on. Do one in the North. We Northerners never get authorly events - the bastards always do them in London.

Swineshead said...

That's a ruddy good review.
And I like the quotes too...

*looks for torrent of book*

Anonymous said...

Publisher lady is proud of you, Stan.

Anonymous said...

Bonjour La Bête,
Et bravo l'ami ! I hope it's available in France very soon, (Publisher lady, do you know ?)and that you'll jump in a plane to sign it.
And you can bring Wellington, he seems funny as well.
Uncle Did

Anonymous said...

Just to say, I recently found your blog after reading about your book in the London Paper - and I have to say, it's hilarious and eye-opening reading!!

I never had the slightest idea that guys particularly cared about their looks - the ones I've met never seemed to give a monkey's what their face looked like! Being rich, hard and well hung always seemed to be the qualities that mattered in terms of male status - while being less than handsome seemed to be considered less relevant than being a below-average chess player (and considerably less shameful than being crap at table football :-)

So thanks for giving me another point of view on it all!! As a battle-scarred female veteran of the London dating wars, I have an increasing tendency to see men as The Enemy - so it's very reassuring to be told 'they're more scared of you than you are of them!'

Although, to be fair, some people say that about spiders too - and I still don't believe it...

If you'd ever like to read about a woman who has possibly even more horrifying dating stories than you do (and possibly more physical hang-ups to boot) please come and check my blog out if you have a spare moment!! A typical date-related post is


Great blog anyway, and thanks for giving me such a laugh :-)

J x

Carnalis said...

but ... but .. you are not a Stan!!

*pfft goes my sexual fantasy involving a stan and lots of lube*

well done, anyway

PurestGreen said...

When the day comes that I receive the email from the Amazon people that my book has been despatched, I'm going to swoon. Dramatically, with every curve of my rounded self.
I often sleep with my books. So far none have complained.

La Bête said...

Stripey, you are a star.

Wellington, you funny man. Pack your bag. We’re off to France!

Squirrel, I accept your hatred happily. I thank you for it. Also for the sticker idea. I am a liberal thanker.

Cheers, Swineshead. That seems surprisingly uncynical for you. Have I got you pegged wrong? Or did I just miss the cynicism?

Publisher lady! Thank you. I’m proud of me too.

Bonjour, Did. You never know. I might bring you a copy before the year is out, with Wellington in my rucksack.

Hello, Juliette. Yeah, honestly, we’re not all The Enemy. I’ll definitely check your blog out as soon as I can.

Carnalis, I thought you were a back-in-the-day kind of gal. I thought you knew. Thanks, anyway.

PG, with these wonderful comments you are spoiling me. Sleep with my book and it’ll die happy.