Monday, 23 February 2009

Feedback Monday :: Mustn’t Grumble

bulk :: 15st 5
booze :: yeah, yeah
painkillers :: loads
joints :: quite a few
healthy meals :: zero
films :: 1
visits to the dentist :: 3
days till deadline :: 4
panic level :: zero. I am nothing if not professional.
whinge level :: 4
crunching self-pity quotient :: 1
boundless optimism quotient :: 9

As I write, the anaesthetic is beginning to wear off and my bottom lip is beginning to throb gently. I have dental problems.

I am dentally ill.

Just before New Year, in Edinburgh, one of my teeth – lower east side – had a little breakdown. A shard gave up the ghost and came loose in my mouth. I was very alarmed. Horribly so, to the point of experiencing serious mortality flashes. Thankfully there was no pain. Back in London I popped along to the perennially cheerful dentist I pop along to on such occasions. He was glad there was no pain. I was glad too and we set a date to meet again soon and get all fixed up.

The tooth would be fixed over two visits while I waited for the inlay to arrive. Everything seemed to go well with the first visit, until two days after the treatment when I woke up in pain.

I hate pain.

I know, I know, everybody hates pain. I reckon even people who profess to actually like pain only really like it on their own terms. I bet there isn’t a masochist alive that relishes toothache.

So I started drinking whisky and taking painkillers. When the next morning it showed no signs of abating, I went back to the dentist. This time I was told that my nerve had become enraged. I can’t remember the word which was actually used, but believe me, it was enraged. It was absolutely livid. I was told I’d need root canal treatment and taken through the list of prices. I felt a little light-headed. I was then prescribed some antibiotics and told to come back next week, for my second scheduled appointment on Monday 2nd March.

Unfortunately, despite the antibiotics, the pain continued unabated. I put up with it over the weekend but Sunday was a nightmare which no amount of cannabis, whisky and Nurofen could palliate and I vowed to find emergency treatment somewhere today.

And so, a couple of hours ago, I returned from the dentist, having had half of the root canal treatment. I’ll have the other half next week.

At the moment I’ve got a bit of putty in my tooth, holding in place some antibiotic gauze or something. It’s been cleaned. Now the nerve has to be neutralised. Only not now, next week. The pain should apparently start to lessen if not tomorrow, then the day after.

So as I write, the lip throb has given way to a heavy tooth throb. It’s really annoying. It’s worse than reading a book written by Chris Moyles. In fact, it’s like reading one page of Moyles over and over and over again. It’s so boring. You know exactly what’s coming next, and there’s no poetry, no poetry at all.

I haven’t eaten since yesterday at about 4 and I don’t feel confident about eating on the putty pain area. So I’m thinking it might be time to break open the Madal Bal. I’m starving hungry though, so I might just buy some tomato soup instead. And chocolate.

Yes. I’m in no fit state to fast.


It’s getting very bad again.

Just saying. Not grumbling. On the contrary, I feel like a proper writer now. Not only did my woman done leave me – obligatory blues riff – but the pain in my mouth allows me to pretend that I am Martin Amis and the whisky on my breath allows me to pretend that I am Ernest Hemingway and all the heartache, bitterness, pain and ceaseless whinging makes me worry that this book is not going to be the hilarious, heart-warming and life-affirming work of lasting worth that I want it to be, but a great festering pile of self-indulgent poo.

But on the whole, I’m feeling optimistic.

I turned over some of the soil in the back garden at the weekend and it looks good. Rich and wormy.

Just as soon as the deadline is met in four days' time, I’m going to start concentrating on enjoying the Spring, which means planting some vegetables and buying a kitten, getting my feet scraped and getting back into regular exercise.

I'm also looking forward to blogging again. I've got a couple of things to talk about, including a recent evening of unexpected celebration and a surprising account of a recent Sebastian Horsley outing.

Oh, and Keith's dad is doing well after a recent operation. So we thank fuck for that.

And we marvel at Keith's weird fishes:

Ooh, another piece of good news I heard last week was that therapy is tax deductible. I wish dentistry was. It’s not, is it?

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PurestGreen said...

I both sympathise and rejoice with you, but mostly sympathise. Don't worry about the chocolate. Use the chocolate, for it is a gift from the universe.
Hope you feel better soon.

Some Chilean Woman said...

My sweet Bête,

My smile is that of dental godliness, it's bright and pearly. But don't be fooled my love, I was a neglectful teenager. I've had 4 root canals in my 28 years of existence and I can say they are a bitch, but not the kind you want to spank.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, about the enraged nerve. I am all too familiure with the mind numbing pain that it causes. It's a marvel that you are still working on your book. I couldn't think at all when I had my tooth incident a few months ago. I say go with the Soup because chocolate would just cause you more pain.

Well Bete, I'm glad that you are handling the latest happenings in your life so well.

Keep it up, Tiger!

Lastly, I feel that, "Enraged Nerve," should now become part of every Dentist's Lexicon.

Misssy M said...

Therapy is tax deductible but childcare is not. What a fucked up country.I'm off to Norway.

Anonymous said...

Oh you poor bugger. I do, as my boyfriend enjoys telling inappropriate people, find pain erotic, but DEFINITELY NOT migraines, paper cuts or dental pain. I had a big operation on the inside of my mouth when I was a teenager, so I've had a lot of toothache, and it really sucked. Keep on with the painkillers, and don't eat apples. I'm afraid that's all the advice I've got. Feel better soon.

Anonymous said...

" feel like a proper writer now"

fuck the writing. if you could just end up spending a night in jail, and perhaps get your sweet grandma run over by a train? you could be a country music star...

pay is better and the groupies easier...

Unknown said...

My dentist tells me that I should put crowns on my front 6 teeth! I only NEED 1, but apparently it would only be effective if I had the other 5 done as well. He says that I must have a compulsive vomiting problem, and when I tell him that I never throw up he sighs suspiciously.
What a joke.
Forza Keith's Dad!

dan said...

Glad to hear that you're on the mend!

Laura Gilmour said...

I love the Chris Moyles comment. I agree completely. I'm going to use it when I have my wisdom teeth out :0)

Catofstripes said...

you sound quite cheerful really, considering everything. Good for you.

wish I could think of something interesting to write...

Catofstripes said...

oh and I followed your link to the Madal Bal (que?) and it sorta went nowhere. What did I do wrong?

Cat said...

I have so been there with the denist thing, and you have my utmost sympathies. One tip is to keep taking the painkillers for a bit after the root canal's done, because in my experience, it goes in pretty deep, and having someone fiddling about in your jaw is really rather unpleasant.

Anonymous said...

Are you serious about the therapy thing? Psychotherapy? I certainly spend more on that than the postage, ppens and the other things I'm allowed to include. x

Sophers said...

Oh the pain, the pain... I feels it, I had a root canal done just before visiting the Outer Hebrides for Christmas, and the pain after the initial procedure (I've had 3 and we're still not done) was so bad I panicked, quite a lot. "I'm on an island and I might need a dentist, and it's Christmas! Do they even have dentists on islands??" etc. etc. Turns out they do have a (single) dentist who will do emergency treatment but also turns out I didn't need it. Neurofen plus is good but if you have access to anyone in the medical profession, co-dydramol is better. Also remember you can triple dose on ibuprofen, paracetamol and codine - they act on different things just don't OD on too much of each. Best wishes Bete.


La Bête said...

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and horror stories.

And yes, TH, apparently so. It counts as coaching.

Good luck in Norway, Misssy. I'm currently thinking of going to live in Amsterdam. And I'm writing a poem.

iLL Man said...

Tooth bad? Remove tooth, move on.

I have no teeth. Pass me a straw will you?

Anonymous said...

I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate Chris Moyles. I'd rather stab my ears out than listen to him. I am not originally from this country and I can't believe he has risen to the heights he has!!! WTF?

Gorilla Bananas said...

Vets are actually very good dentists. Worth trying one next time perhaps.

Anonymous said...

Bad news: tragically, therapy not tax deductible in the UK -in my excitement on reading your post, I checked. It is in America though, certainly in New York State. As - awesomely - is gynecology.

Glad heart is better even if tooth not.


Raven Odinsdottir said...

Ooow you poor bastard :( I don't go to the dentist because I fear that. I haven't been to the dentist in 15 years. The Gods are smiling on me though because I haven't had any problems. Of course now I've said that you just watch :P....

Anonymous said...

Dentally ill. Tee hee.

Anonymous said...

Nice weird fishes. And belated sympathies. BTW, it's March, you coming now? :)

Anonymous said...

Oops, of course I meant coming *back*. Not just coming. I'm not sure I'd want to know that much detail.