Dirty Sex With Jehovah's Witnesses and 9/11 Conspiracy Lesbians :: Or, Where Have All The Readers Gone?

Apparently, on April 9th, according to Virgin Media, I spent £20 masturbating over a sex line. Except I didn't. And that is actually a hideous slander. I remember April 9th distinctly, as it was the seventh day in a row I spent masturbating over lesbians on YouPorn. So I'm writing a letter of complaint. I'm actually furious that they're making me write it. It's taking me ages.

In the meantime, I have to plug my flatmate again because he's a fucking genius. He may have appalling taste in women (except for the ones that... no, I can't say that), but at least he hasn't got chlamydia. And look at these pictures he made. They are outstanding. Click for size.






Plus, he's been playing around with some pins and some cassettes and I think he could be onto something.

Until soon.

Two Gorgeous Black Birds Fucking in the Park, Totally Naked

Is it crows or blackbirds which have black beaks? I can never remember. I only know it isn’t tits. And cocks - like the Fonz - have combs, but that’s probably irrelevant. The beak issue may not be important to some of you, but I’m quite anal about my birds, so I must check. Excuse me…

Aha, they were crows. I saw them this morning when I was out for my run. At first I thought it was just one crow, maybe eating something that had died, so I ran over in its direction to observe the violence of nature in the raw. Then as I neared, one crow swiftly became two, rising silently into the sky, their crow coitus temporarily interruptus. I felt bad.

I didn’t know crows did sex on the ground. Isn’t it swifts or swallows that do it in the air? If I was a bird, I’d like to do it in the air. Imagine.

Whoosh.

Anyway, that’s what I saw. And as I jogged off after it happened, I did a little spit, watched the male bird pursue the female and I thought, is there a blog post in this? Is this ‘an event’? Is this yet another incident in my apparently incident-filled life? ‘Black birds fucking,’ I thought. That’d bring in some new readers. I like it when new readers come. And if they happen to be perverts, well, perverts are people too.

We’ll see.






Oh, and also, before I forget…

Lesbians.