Thursday, 3 April 2008

Two Gorgeous Black Birds Fucking in the Park, Totally Naked

Is it crows or blackbirds which have black beaks? I can never remember. I only know it isn’t tits. And cocks - like the Fonz - have combs, but that’s probably irrelevant. The beak issue may not be important to some of you, but I’m quite anal about my birds, so I must check. Excuse me…

Aha, they were crows. I saw them this morning when I was out for my run. At first I thought it was just one crow, maybe eating something that had died, so I ran over in its direction to observe the violence of nature in the raw. Then as I neared, one crow swiftly became two, rising silently into the sky, their crow coitus temporarily interruptus. I felt bad.

I didn’t know crows did sex on the ground. Isn’t it swifts or swallows that do it in the air? If I was a bird, I’d like to do it in the air. Imagine.

Whoosh.

Anyway, that’s what I saw. And as I jogged off after it happened, I did a little spit, watched the male bird pursue the female and I thought, is there a blog post in this? Is this ‘an event’? Is this yet another incident in my apparently incident-filled life? ‘Black birds fucking,’ I thought. That’d bring in some new readers. I like it when new readers come. And if they happen to be perverts, well, perverts are people too.

We’ll see.






Oh, and also, before I forget…

Lesbians.



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13 comments:

Luka said...

To broaden the search engine results further you could also insert "tits like coconuts" into your prose somewhere and the ever amusing "shag".

Penelope said...

You did a little spit? Please tell me you didn't! Every time I see anyone spit in public I just want to rip their heads off and shove them up their own arses!
*deep breath*
I can atest to searches about tits. Include the words torture, burn and ice occasionaly in your blog and you'll get search phrases like I do; torture my tits, burn my tits and icy tits. I get really classy readers ;o)

bittersweet said...

The pigeons in my garden do it in the tree.

La Bête said...

'Shag' is good, yes. I should really have inserted that.

I actually didn't do a little spit. That was a lie. I just said that so I could have 'spit' and 'swallow' in the tags. Ho ho however, I don't know if you've ever gone running, Penelope, but I put it to you that it's impossible to run for 15 minutes and not have your throat fill with some fairly viscous stuff. And I'm sorry to say, but it simply has to be spat out. But it's a sports spit, isn't it? It's not a street spit. I'm still suave, Penelope. Please tell me I'm suave.

Oh, It's OK. I'm not really suave.

I just spat on the floor.

Sorry.

Pigeons are monogamous, aren't they? I love pigeons.

suburbanhen said...

I saw the most interesting thing when I was younger. We, my friends and me, volunteered to clean the bell tower of our church to ready it for the churches centenary. No one had been up there for quite some time and we found all sorts of stuff, including the skeletons of two pigeons. Not such an interesting find one might think, but the skeleton wing of one pigeon was stretched over the top of the other pigeon skeleton in an embrace. It made me cry.

La Bête said...

Gosh, that made me gasp. That's amazing. And beautiful. I wish I was a pigeon.

Lilith said...

I guess this is the most err... 'exotic' post Ive ever read!

I remember years ago back when I was at high school, one spring morning that I decided to skip a lesson and go to read to the patio and enjoy the sun when I saw a little lizard, which grabbed my attention.

So, I started to look at him/her going around the patio and I thought that he was enjoying the sun, just like me, when suddenly I saw another lizard coming out from a near garden... after a while observing them I realized they were kind of interactuating.
I closed the book by Milan Kundera that I was reading and I enjoyed seeing how they seemed to march around the patio first, then they stopped and started fighting with each other and after all that they started to copulate.

It seemed so beautiful: one spring morning, no clouds in the bluest sky Id ever seen, the sun shining, and two lizards 'making love' at the patio of the high school I attended.

I wrote a poem about that event and I decided I didnt want to reincarnate as a she-lizard (or whatever you say it) since it seemed to me that their sexuality was rather violent to the females of the specie haha.

Lilith.

Wisewebwoman said...

Lots of traffic generated B, but they only stay for a blink.
I know. I did a post on Bare Naked Ladies (about baring all for charity) and such hits!!

Swineshead said...

Speaking of Swifts - I was woken up last spring by a rattling sound in the front room. I went to check out the source and there was a little swift trying to get out of the window. Obviously their feet are rubbish and they can really only fly (hence their doing sex in the air) so I scooped the little chap into a box, flung him out of the window and watched him swoop off. After having passionate sex with him.





The last bit is a lie.

Roszs Bif said...

Crows don't look owt like blackbirds. The only thing the same is that they are both black*. That makes you a terrible racist.

Swineshead - that last bit is true, I still have the polaroids remember?

*and have wings, beaks and feathers

Anonymous said...

Bonjour La Bête
Or should I say Bonjour Eric ?
What about snails ?
They do it in such a very slow and very wet sensual way.
And they are bi.

Uncle Did

Windypops said...

My blog seems to score quite highly with people looking for "ginger minge". They're exactly the sort of people I'm looking to attract. Also, more recently, "kids wanking stories".

Innocent Loverboy said...

Hmmm... not sure if they were naked. Surely feathers count as a coating, of some sort, right?