And In One Fell Swoop Everything, But Everything Changed…

Um… I’m having a little difficulty believing this. My hands are shaking as I type, my head is buzzing and I’m bright red like I’m embarrassed or coming down with something. I’ve got grins all over my face – every orifice is grinning and I’m guessing this must be what being in love feels like. Maybe. Maybe not.

I guess I should spill the beans… You know I mentioned that I was going to start doing the lottery a couple of months ago? Well, I didn’t get round to it till last week. On Friday in fact, on the way to pick up Keith to drive to The North, I bought a lottery ticket. I’d never filled one in before so it took me a while and the old ladies behind me in the queue got really eggy.

Then I forgot all about it, until a couple of hours ago. Then I dug it out and checked the numbers online. Um… As far as I can tell, I’ve just won £2.6 million pounds.

Oh.

My.

Shitting.

Christ.

It’s taken me half an hour so far to write this. I keep breaking off to check again, expecting to see that I’ve made an idiotic mistake. But I haven’t. It appears I’ve really won.

I can’t believe it.

I really can’t believe it.

But it’s true. I haven’t made a mistake. Have I? I’m going to give Keith a ring.


UPDATE:

I’m over at Keith’s. We’re celebrating. He says I have to buy him a new body. I’ll do my best.

I’ve definitely won. I’m rich. I’m really truly madly deeply motherfucking brilliantly rich.

All those times I’ve drifted off and started imagining what I’d do if I ever came into a lot of money. Now I can actually think about it for real. Now it’s actually happened. This is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. There is absolutely no way I’ll be able to sleep now, till I can make the phone call tomorrow morning and arrange to collect the money. So… the list:

1) buy a house in North London
2) actually, that’s probably it. So I’ll buy a cheap house I think, maybe in South London, and fill it with tenants – get myself an income and become a proper capitalist
3) go to Thailand and do a Gogarty. Maybe turn this blog into a rambling rich boy’s journey of discovery where I find out how shallow I truly am
4) buy some love. Of course money can buy you love, of course it can
5) buy something nice for Ben and Dina
6) go to a health farm in the Seychelles and learn to SCUBA dive.
7) swim with dolphins
8) buy a gold vest
9) buy a convertible Porsche
10) set up a fast-food company selling spicy meat-based products made from orphaned children – call it Dr Barnando’s

Ho ho. As you can see, I haven’t got much idea what I’m going to do. You can help me if you want, although to be honest it may be some time before I'm looking at the internet again but go on, you might as well - tell me what you would do if you had just won 2.6 million gorgeous lovely pounds. No begging letters.

Shit.

This may be the best day of my entire life.