Tuesday, 1 July 2008

Alone, Alone, A Loon, A Loon

Is it just me or is the internet eerily quiet at the moment? Maybe it’s something to do with the hot weather, or maybe everyone’s on holiday. I don’t know. Maybe you’re all locked in a dank toilet pleasuring yourselves with tingle-lube. Or maybe, better still, you’re all too busy stroking each other’s napes or nibbling each other’s perinea to bother with all this virtual nonsense. Well, good for you. I’m very happy for you, and not at all jealous.

No, not at all. I'm perfectly happy here on my own, treading sulphur in this mighty, murky slough of despond. Don't worry about me. You shits.

The good news is, I may have found a flat in North London, although not until October or November, but it’s looking good. Even better news is that I have discovered that North London is full of really excellent characters. Not the bog-standard God-botherers and lobotomy-dodgers you get in South East London, but a much, much higher class of God-botherers and lobotomy-dodgers.

This lady I spied in Kentish Town a little while ago for example. It was blowing an absolute gale, and yet still she stood, cleaved to the side of the road trying with all her might to foist a Messiah flyer into the godless mitts of unsaved passers-by.

And just a few days ago I came across this wildly unstable individual in Exmouth Market.

My hands were shaking so much through utter terror that I was unable to take a decent photo. But here’s another one of him lurching toward me.

Aaaaah, North London. I can't wait.

In other news, I have finally caught up with replying to recent comments. Most of you won’t care I know, but one or two of you might, and it’s for you that I mention it now.

Have a great day.

You shits.

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Anonymous said...

He doesn't look wildy unstable to me. In fact, the first picture shows remarkable core balance skills, even with the crutch.

La Bête said...

You do realise he's not a real monkey though, right?

Glamourpuss said...

Yeah, I'd noticed it was pretty quiet in the blogosphere, but then, I guess the only constant in life is change.

I love Kentish Town - it was my home for many years.


Anonymous said...

Forgive me for being behind the times, but where are you currently?

North London am the best.

La Bête said...

Puss. Damn it, I can't get that picture out of my head.

Swine, I'm down Peckham way, and I've only ever lived in South London. I really want to know how the other half live. I reckon they live like kings. Or at the very least like sex-starved fetishistic tyrants.

Timorous Beastie said...

No perinea sucking going on here. And we're not even in the pits of London. Tokyo, no less. Hellhole, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

La Bête said...

Really? I saw some of Tenko recently. Is it just like that?

Anonymous said...

Not a real monkey?!

I suppose not. If it had a tail it wouldn't need the crutches.

On another note, I am loving the expression "Messiah Flyer". You do get a better class of God Botherer in North London but by far the most persistent Manic Street Preachers can be found in Leeds.

Bittersweet said...

*wipes lube from fingers*

I recognise those railings.

I have just blown up a 6' paddling pool. It is not all *nibble nibble* here, but a good quantity of *blow blow*

Anonymous said...

Did the monkey/gorilla man break dance?

I know this sounds silly, but every time I see someone with those type of crutches I automatically think they know how to break dance!

Seriously, ever since I was a little girl, images of them spinning around madly and doing a more free flowing version of a pommel horse routine, to the tunes of "Work That Body"- By Hot Streak pops into my mind.

I blame it on the movie Breakin'. Have you ever seen it?

Anyway, I say if the Monkey Man does break dance, he's probably not unstable and may actually be pretty cool. Especially, if his street name is Shabba-Doo, Boogaloo Shrimp or Crazy Legs.

If he has a cool name like that, then I think that you two should become fast friends and form a B-BOY crew. Then you can move to LA and save a youth center for inner city kids from getting demolished by a greedy developer. A task you accomplish soely by using your awesome dance skillZ.

I spelled it with a Z-because it makes it more street. Kinda like vampYre, makes vampire more dark and faery makes fairy more magical

A little silly? Yes, indeed...such is my mood this fine day. :-)

BenefitScroungingScum said...

So that's where granny went! BG

Anonymous said...

Please don't leave us in South London.
Come back to Herne Hill.

Newbie said...

I'm daaaahn sarf myself and I rather like it! But then I'm not in Peckham, so...

And with that I shall return to the stroking and nibbling.

Carolina said...

Ciao Bete. Carolina has taken her show on the road to Italia, Bosnia, and Montenegro for the summer. I keep a travel blog so that occupies the little internet time I have. Hope the line on a flat in North London works out for you. I love a place with characters; probably why I'm addicted to Rome!

DJ Kirkby said...

OMG! Don't move there! Come, move down here with us. Aside from a few Chavs it is all fairly normal...boring, perhaps but normal.

Anonymous said...

You traitor, Bete! Leaving the south London posse!

Well my blog wasn't quiet during your absence -- I've been busy blogging away (although taking a small sabbatical of a few days at the mo to cope with head pain).

Did wonder recently whether you will ever blog a bit more about your childhood and your relationship with your mother? I know that you've said (briefly) it was bad, and in one of your posts you explained a *little* bit about Keith's family adopting you, but there wasn't much background about your own family.

Perhaps it is a bit too personal or painful for you, but it is one of the things that I have wondered, when reading your blog, which isn't totally explained.

Just a thought. A possible future blog idea for you.

Best wishes,

Unknown said...

I will admit, I am guilty of practically deserting the internet. An hour every couple of days instead of a couple of hours (ok most of my day) every day.

It's because I've become free of anything keeping me in the house. Until recently it was my best contact with the outside world as I was trapped indoors. Now other entertainment resources have taken over.

Anonymous said...

Hooray! North London!

I live in Kentish Town and wouldn't want to live anywhere else. The Kentish Town Fruit Bowl makes it.

I've never even been south of the River. Unless you count the Southbank Centre. Or Bournemouth

Anonymous said...


One of the people on my blogroll (Nick Here And Now) has just written a really interesting post:


Thought it might interest you.

Best wishes,

Non Je Ne Regrette Rien said...

well actually, I've been slaving away at my spot presenting you an award so be a dear and pop over to collect it. cheers!

Anonymous said...


word filled in;time to comment:
spliffing smugly;smirk.