Thursday, 6 November 2008

Gumtree II :: Anything Goes When Nothing Exists

And then there was this...

Thursday, 16 October 2008 17:05

My name is Harry Crown.Just want to drop few lines to let you know i have a one bedroom apartment in Clapham for rent.Rent goes for 700GBP monthly all bills inclusive,deposit 600GBP.
Pls let me know if you interested.
Harry Crown

Thursday, 16 October 2008 22:45

Hi Harry

Your apartment sounds perfect, and very reasonably priced. Before we arrange a viewing however, I have a couple of questions.

1. Would you mind if I have a cat?

2. Would you mind if I get up every morning at 5am and wake the neighbours by loudly banging together the thigh bones of the many old ladies and young children I have murdered and eaten in the name of Satan?

Let me know.


Friday, 17 October 2008 12:20

How are you doing today?It was nice reading from you.I do not mind if bring a cat in as i will not be staying in the apartment with you and also to let you know the apartment is alone and so you will not be disturbing anybody with whatever you are doing.
I work as a Contractor,currently supervising the building construction of an hotel in Edinburgh which would be finishing soon before i leave for Italy where i start my new job.
For this reason,i wont be living in the apartment,i only inherited it and haven't lived in it for too long.I wouldn't like to leave it dirty and untidy so i need clean and responsible tenant.
Apartment amenities include. Central Heating,Refrigerator,Ironing Board,Good wireless internet Connection,Washing machine,Dishwasher,Microwave Oven,Television with Built-in DVD Player,Coffee Maker,Double Sofa bed in Sitting Room,Dining Area,Hairdryer just to mention a few.
Unfortunately my phone is bad and wouldn't be able to receive phone calls at the moment,so communication via email would be better at the moment,probably i could give you a call later when i get on a pay phone as am not thinking of buying a new phone here as am leaving in few weeks.
As regards the viewing,i think we could fix a date i come down for the viewing and we reach an agreement.Have been very busy with work lately so its hard for me to spare time,i would like to be more certain about your intentions before booking my plane tickets for this.
I would be staying in Italy for more than 4 years so its up to you to decide how long you want the apartment for.
Please let me know what are the things you have in many people would be occupying the apartment and for how long you want the contract to last for.
Also let me know when you intend to move in and more other details you feel necessary for me to know.
Whereabouts do you live in currently?
Please find attached pictures of the apartment.
Waiting to read from you.

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Anonymous said...

Well, looks like this one will run and run. Oddly, we found our flat on gumtree. Our landlord is Italian. And he is unevolved pondlife. In fact, he has made me hate him ao much, I now refuse to buy anything Italian anymore, just in case some family over there gets rich on my purchases and decides to breed another one.

I am in London, on business, minus whisky, in a bad mood. Does it show? Would you like me to respond to your scammer? Oh, go on...


Anonymous said...

"It was nice reading from you!"- HA, HA!

From this day forth, until forever, this is how I am going to respond to all my e-mails and letters. Hell, this is the way I am going to respond when I say farewell to people in person too.

Oh and is the hotel contruction market, really booming that much in Edinburgh? If it is, then I simply have to let my uncle know, because it's slowed down signifigantly in Las Vegas. Damned American Economy!

Alex B said...

Absolutely classic

La Bête said...

Thanks, guys. It was nice reading from you.

Mrs. Hall said...


I feel very sad that I don't believe I could detect the scam myself.

Thank you for alerting the slower folks (me) to this kind of thing.

Now I gotta go catch the short bus.

Mrs. Hall

Anonymous said...

ask harry if you can skin him, and wear his flesh as a 'girl suit' if you pay your rent by the first of the month...

Catherine said...

Holy crap, I can't believe it. Again!

Boz said...

All these hotels being built in Edinburgh.. I really must go and stay there sometime.

Miss Snuffleupagus said...

The only thing missing Bete, you should have said you were Fred West reincarnated.

Non Je Ne Regrette Rien said...

damn you hoity,toity brits and the gilded carriages you rode in on.

(nope, I don't get it. not at all.)

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, I'm guessing a combination of skim-reading and language barrier rendered your message something akin to:

"Would you mind if I get up every morning at 5am and woo the neighbours by gently rubbing together the thighs of the many pretty ladies and young women I have met and given my name (which is Stan)?"

Anonymous said...

Oh arse, I hadn't read your other Gumtree post when I wrote my last comment. I understand now.

Feeling rather silly.

La Bête said...

Don't feel silly. I think you made a valid point anyway. I'm sure if he had understood fully, he'd have been onto the police quicksharp.

Anonymous said...

Have you seen this on the BBC today?

Vulgar Wizard said...

Uhm . . . WHAT?