Monday, 12 October 2009

Selling Out? One Can But Dream.

Something very special happened today. If you’ll allow me, I'd like to tell you about it.

Over the weekend, mostly because of the B3ta link, lots of people came here to read the bingo post. A few of them left comments, and one or two people threatened to pay me the $80 themselves – this being the sum of money Thomas Brown dangled in front of me like a bad carrot made of shame and dead hair and old ladies’ fillings – but then they didn’t. Naturally.

Then this afternoon, I received the following comment from a man called Rishil:

‘Where is your donate button? I want to put money in there for this awesomeness of a post.’

So, just on the off-chance that this man was serious (although I didn’t really think for a moment that he was – he had just used the word 'awesomeness' after all), I found myself 'a donate button' and I put it online. It’s off to the right near the top of the page. It looks like this…

(It only looks like that though. That isn’t it. That’s merely a photograph of it. So if you want to give me some money and you were clicking on that, you are a jackass and I’m not even sure I want your money. Oh, alright then, go on. I’ll take it. Now go and click on the proper button. It looks like this…)


So, then, within twenty minutes of the button being up, I received an email entitled ‘Notification of donation received’. Rishil – a complete stranger who happened to enjoy something I’d written – had begifted me with £500.


Can you believe that?

You can? Well then, you’re just a tiny bit credulous. £500 for one measly blogpost? That would be insane. No. He did give me a tenner though. And when you haven’t got a pot to piss in, a tenner for a blog post is like a kiss on the winky from Scarlett Johansson.

I am inordinately pleased.

Imagine though, if every single one of you donated just £5 – or even a paltry £1.... No, fuck it – as long as we're making shit up, let’s stick to a £10 minimum. Imagine that. I’m imagining it now. If you all donated £10, I could phone up the Japanese banker and English accountants I’ve just accepted work from and tell them to go hang.

‘Balls to you!’ I would say. ‘My public have spoken. They want me to stay home and berate marketeers, detail my calamitous sexploits and fantasise about my magnificent winky disappearing, one dainty finger at a time, into the sweet and sultry, slightly sticky maw of Scarlett Johansson.’


Oh, alright then. I know I’ve a long, long, long, long way to go before I can even see the dizzy heights of the phenomenal Dooce, but it’s a step in the right direction. A baby step, I know, but a step nonetheless. And ironically, I know I have Thomas Brown of Tosspot Promotions to thank.

So, Thomas Brown - thank you. Oh, and by the way, you owe me $80.

Now I'm off to the pub to spend that tenner.


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Larry Teabag said...


the fly in the web said...

Enjoy your was a super post and I still laugh when it pops up in my mind.
If I tried it on mine I'd probably get pre Euro European currencies...I have a fifty franc note myself that has been hanging about a long time.

Andy said...

You've thrown over Audrey Tautou for Scarlett Johansson? Oh, how fickle we are.......

Luka said...

What do I get for £3.50 and a peanut M&M?

Anonymous said...

Funnily enough I just added a donate button to my blog down at the very bottom. Probably not a very good place for it but, ach, I'll never manage to get rid of the Calvinism running through my veins, screaming "Don't be showy, lassie. Don't be showy! Leave that to Southern English types!".

Just checked out that Dooce blog. Mildly amusing, but essentially pointless drivel. I'm not really sure how stuff like that becomes so successful. Ach, I'm just bitter because my brand of self-hating miserabilism will never sell a book. Oh well.

La Bête said...

Mr Teabag: fuckin’ A.

Oh, come on, Andy, Audrey had her chance. She blew it. Which is to say, she didn’t. So now I’m extending my affections to Scarlett.

(Keep it under your hat, but I’m only really using Scarlett to make Audrey jealous. Now do you see? Because I know women. I know how their minds work.)

Luka: head?

Now listen, Pet – never underestimate self-hating miserabilism. Ever.

clumpf said...

God, I love you.

Antipo Déesse said...

I like to believe that I'm not particularly credulous, but you just played hard and fast with my emotions there, young lad.

Beleaguered Squirrel said...

Good for you. Not that I'm giving any money - cos I'm stingy and can't be bothered - but I might if I had. Oh arse, I've shamed myself into it now. All right then. Will you tell us how much you get by the end of the week? Just cos we're nosy and intrigued? I bet you won't. Why are people so cagey about money? I've never really understood it (my current annual income is £19,000). We don't even know who you are or where you are, so it's not like we can all come knocking on your door and demanding you buy us cake.

Mmmm, cake.

By the way, I'm pretty sure it would be very simple to replicate the actual donate button in this post, rather than just an image of it. Just look at your blogger template and grab the original html. Who knows, you might earn extra money as a result.

Andy said...


It's easy for you to say. You're not the one who has Audrey on the phone day and night, sobbing inconsolably in her exquisite French-English accent. To you she's just a pawn. I'm the one who has to hold her and dry her tears, knowing full well I'll never get anywhere with her, as you, Stan, have stolen her heart.

I think I deserve a cut of your Paypal proceeds at least. It isn't easy trying to comfort a Gallic sex profiterole, but dammit, someone has to do it......

Anonymous said...

Bonjour La Bête,
10£ is a bloody bargain with the ratio pound/euro at the moment.
So I'm glad to buy you another drink.
Cheers !
Uncle Did