Maybe There Actually IS Such A Thing As Bad Publicity After All

This is most probably the last mention I will make of these bingo-touting swine, as Thomas Brown of Topspot Promotions is apparently not talking to me anymore. I sent this last email first thing on Monday morning...

Dear Mr Brown

I must say, I am very disappointed not to have received a reply to my last email. A less trusting soul might come to the conclusion that you’re welshing on our deal! I, however, am prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt. You’re probably just busy doing your important work.

The reason I’m writing again is actually not to remonstrate with you (fear not!) but rather to share with you some very good news. Despite the reservations your client had about my promotional piece, I published it on my blog anyway and I’m very happy to say it was featured in a terrifically popular weekly newsletter of interesting things on the internet. As a result of this, over TEN THOUSAND people have seen the piece over the last three days. That’s over TEN THOUSAND people who are now aware of 888Ladies online bingo!

Result!

So, under the circumstances, I was wondering if you might like to offer me substantially more than our previously agreed $80. I have a friend who works in online marketing – and I use the word ‘friend’ loosely, if not entirely incorrectly – and he says you should probably give me at least a couple of bags of sand for that kind of exposure. I am willing to negotiate, however. The fact is, my rent is due in just a few days, so I’d be prepared to settle for £500 (about $800) if you can make the payment before the 17th.

What do you say? Are you going to do the honourable thing?

If I haven’t heard from you by Wednesday, I shall most probably write to you again.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Cheers!


Stan

...and nothing. It was fun while it lasted, but now it appears to be over. Unless you can think of any more ways to antagonise Mr Brown, I think we're done.

Now, what about that Barbara Ellen, eh? What a nincompoop.

Selling Out? One Can But Dream.

Something very special happened today. If you’ll allow me, I'd like to tell you about it.

Over the weekend, mostly because of the B3ta link, lots of people came here to read the bingo post. A few of them left comments, and one or two people threatened to pay me the $80 themselves – this being the sum of money Thomas Brown dangled in front of me like a bad carrot made of shame and dead hair and old ladies’ fillings – but then they didn’t. Naturally.

Then this afternoon, I received the following comment from a man called Rishil:

‘Where is your donate button? I want to put money in there for this awesomeness of a post.’

So, just on the off-chance that this man was serious (although I didn’t really think for a moment that he was – he had just used the word 'awesomeness' after all), I found myself 'a donate button' and I put it online. It’s off to the right near the top of the page. It looks like this…




(It only looks like that though. That isn’t it. That’s merely a photograph of it. So if you want to give me some money and you were clicking on that, you are a jackass and I’m not even sure I want your money. Oh, alright then, go on. I’ll take it. Now go and click on the proper button. It looks like this…)




Etc.

So, then, within twenty minutes of the button being up, I received an email entitled ‘Notification of donation received’. Rishil – a complete stranger who happened to enjoy something I’d written – had begifted me with £500.

Whoa.

Can you believe that?

You can? Well then, you’re just a tiny bit credulous. £500 for one measly blogpost? That would be insane. No. He did give me a tenner though. And when you haven’t got a pot to piss in, a tenner for a blog post is like a kiss on the winky from Scarlett Johansson.

I am inordinately pleased.

Imagine though, if every single one of you donated just £5 – or even a paltry £1.... No, fuck it – as long as we're making shit up, let’s stick to a £10 minimum. Imagine that. I’m imagining it now. If you all donated £10, I could phone up the Japanese banker and English accountants I’ve just accepted work from and tell them to go hang.

‘Balls to you!’ I would say. ‘My public have spoken. They want me to stay home and berate marketeers, detail my calamitous sexploits and fantasise about my magnificent winky disappearing, one dainty finger at a time, into the sweet and sultry, slightly sticky maw of Scarlett Johansson.’

No?

Oh, alright then. I know I’ve a long, long, long, long way to go before I can even see the dizzy heights of the phenomenal Dooce, but it’s a step in the right direction. A baby step, I know, but a step nonetheless. And ironically, I know I have Thomas Brown of Tosspot Promotions to thank.

So, Thomas Brown - thank you. Oh, and by the way, you owe me $80.




Now I'm off to the pub to spend that tenner.

Score!

Bingo! :: One Little Duck, Round Two

Just received a response from Mr Brown regarding my promotion of his clients, the 666Ladies Bingo Bastards Emporium. Here it is:

Hello Stan,

I showed this post to my clients but unfortunately they feel it is too edgy and they don’t want it to appear on the site. I hope you can understand. I’m sorry for the time you spent and hope we’ll be able to do business in the future.

Best regards,

Thomas Brown
Senior Advertising Consultant
Topspot Promotions

'Too edgy.' I like that. I might use it as a testimonial. 'Bête de Jour :: too edgy.' However, I do feel kind of bad. Mr Brown actually seems like a decent sort after all. Still, having said that, a deal is a deal and I can't stand welshers. So I replied with this:

Hi Thomas

I'm sorry to hear that, I really am. However, having toiled quite considerably on the article, I feel it is only fair that I receive financial recompense to the value of $80, as previously agreed.

How do you usually prefer to make payment? I can send you details of my Paypal or my bank account. Which would you prefer?

Looking forward to hearing from you.


Stan

So. Now we wait. I hope this doesn't end up in court, but if I don't get my $80, I swear, I'll take them for every penny they've got.