bulk :: 18st 2 (don’t know how it happened, but I’ve lost nothing this week. I’m guessing it was to do with levelling out after the illness. It’s still very disappointing though. But I have to look at the bigger picture. For weeks ago I weighed 19 stone. Now I weigh 12 pounds less. And that is to be commended. If I could reach, I’d give myself a slap on the back.)
cigarettes smoked :: 0
units of alcohol imbibed :: 6 (crikey. I’ve just realised, the only difference between me and a monk is that monks believe in God and I don’t. I used to though. Maybe I can pick it up again and fashion myself a crazy tonsure. I bet monks have more sex than me. I’ve seen The Name of the Rose, I know they do. God, I so want to be a monk all of a sudden.)
runs run :: 3
friendships jeopardised :: 3
marks overstepped :: 1
lessons learned :: 2 (don’t blog about your friends’ personal lives if you think they might be reading / don’t pleasure yourself after chopping chilli without first having thoroughly washed your hands – more like an old lesson relearned, this one)
So it’s been a funny old week. And one I’m just about ready to put behind me.
Boof!
There it goes.
Now, I’ve discovered this thing. This thing is called Madal Bal Natural Tree Syrup, and here is the good news.
Madal Bal Natural Tree Syrup is a safe and natural detox with no preservatives and no chemical processes. The Lemon Detox allows the body to cleanse itself naturally of accumulated toxins and helps the body to normalise its weight.
YES!
The body has miraculous powers to cleanse itself. Unfortunately much of what we eat today in the western world is useless and the numerous chemicals and toxins that have been introduced into the natural environment can find their ways into our bodies through the air we breathe and the water we drink. The Natural Tree Syrup & Lemon Detox lets the body cleanse itself naturally while you take a break from solid food.
YES!
Furthermore, apparently, people who have completed the detox programme frequently report a wide variety of benefits including…
• Cleansing the body of toxins
YES!
• Effective weight loss
YES!
• Increased vigour and vitality
YES!
• Better digestion
YES!
• Sounder sleepYES!
• Better circulation
YES!
• Shiny hair and stronger nails
YES!
• Clear skin and eyes
YES!
• Greater resistance to illness
YES!
• Reduced dependence on supplements and drugs
YES!
• Fortified will-power and determination
YES GODDAMMIT!
• Improved concentration and clarity of thought
Er…. YES!
• Balanced emotions
Yes.
• Happier, more positive outlook
YES! ; )
• Sense of inner peace
And relax.
How absolutely wonderful does that sound?
It’s £37, which isn’t cheap, but for all those benefits it’s surely the bargain of the century.
I can’t help thinking there must be some sort of catch – like maybe falling down dead after 72 hours – but to hell with it, it’s got to be worth a shot. I’ve sent off for some, and I’m going to give it a go. I plan to do a week, which is the time recommended for a detox beginner. I’m very much looking forward to it. It’ll be like going on a retreat. Of course! My monky business! This fasting will be exactly what I need to tip me over the edge into a total religious fervour! I'll probably be speaking in tongues and all sorts by the end of the week. Fantastic. Benediction followed by superhot monk sex here I come!
The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee.
Cool.
Have a good weekend.
