Friday, 11 July 2008

Friday Feedback :: Harumph

bulk :: 16st 0 (I’m beginning to think that that’s it. I have completely levelled out. I’m so full of shit. All my empty promises. No wonder Melanie hasn’t phoned. She could probably smell the foetid stench of failure on me.)
smokes smoked :: 0
puff puffed :: none
drink drunk :: 4 cans of lager, 4 glasses of wine
runs run :: 1 (Let’s not even discuss it.)
swims swum :: 0 (Pffffffffffffffffffffft.)
chiropractor appointments arranged :: 0
dentist appointments arranged :: 0
gyms joined :: 0
conversations with Melanie :: 0
conversations about Melanie :: 5 or 60
litres of ball-jam spat from one-eyed Elvis :: 12

It’s not been a magnificent week if I’m honest. Bit of work. Bit of Wii play. Bit of an anti-climax after last week’s ten dates, although I did enjoy writing them up.

I don’t know where all the time goes, frankly. I’ve got a number of writing projects which I really, really need to get on with now, some of which I’ve been promising myself I would do for months. I’m really quite miffed with myself if you want to know the truth. I’m thinking of spanking myself with an IKEA spatula.

This weekend I’m seeing Ange for the first time in quite a while. Apart from that, nothing going on. So. Time to get on with some writing.

If I don’t post anything next week, it’s because I’ve either disappeared in a puff of self-loathing or wanked myself to death. Or possibly a photo finish between the two.

You meanwhile – yes, you: have a great weekend. Because you’re worth it.

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Artful Kisser said...

My name's Melanie. I find plankton infinitely fascinating and supposedly have crackin' tits. Want me to send you a txt? Just as a filler til she actually does?

DJ Kirkby said...

10 dates? Why does all the good stuff happen when I get too bogged down with work to read your blog? Going to play catch up now.

Clive For Nothing said...

The photo finish. It's not a photo you should feel a need to post here. You know that, don't you.

laurie said...

it could be worse.

you could be scheduled for a colonoscopy.

(thanks for stopping by.)

Lauren said...

Or you could have the flu (which I have been battling for the last week).... now there's a way to loose some weight!!

No, really. Take your free time and put on your running shoes!! Ok, here is Sunday's schedule for you:

Wake Up
Go For A Jog
Do 10 Push-Ups
Do 10 Push-Ups
Contemplate Life
Write Some More
Do 10 Push-Ups
Write Write Write
10 More Push-Ups!

Selena said...

WOW, feeling quite sorry for ourselves this week, are we?

I don't think you've leveled out. I think you're trying to give up. You admit that you haven't been exercising...which probably means that the healthier food choices aren't being made too.

Quite, honestly. I think you need a swift kick in the arse. So, I feel compelled to comply-believe me, this is for your own good and it hurts me more than it hurts you and all that jazz...(sheesh, I sound like an abusive parent)

You knew Melanie for all of 10 min., it didn't work out- I think it's time to move on. Use the frustration of rejection as a tool to inspire you to go running- believe me it's better for you than trying to burn calories by laying about pleasuring yourself ;-)

You're much more attractive when you aren't caught in the doldrums. Brooding is one thing- but self pity is entirely unbecoming.

Where's the guy that was feeling proud of himself for having attempted speed dating-he was dazzling.

P.S. Speaking as a lady-if I take your phone number, and I don't give you's a subliminal message that I am probably not going to call. Sorry :-(

Luka said...

I think wanking counts as exercise. Go for it! Feel the burn!

Swineshead said...

Are you saying you masturbated 12 times in one week?

Christ! Are you 14 years old??

I really think you should've gone for a date with the mad lady - she sounded ace - if you can handle being woken up by threats and being worried about psychotic ex-boyfriends 24/7.