Wednesday, 19 November 2008

News Of A Personal Nature :: I Feel Pretty

Oh, so pretty.

I feel pretty.

And witty.

And ‘gay’.

Seriously though.

And furthermore, I pity any girl – or indeed, any boy – who isn’t me today – or indeed, any day. Actually no, not any day. Just today.

Actually, thinking about it, to be fair, ‘pretty’ might be pushing it a little. I've still got a head like sack of aubergines pulled from a burning pork scratchings factory, but I was just checking myself out in the bathroom mirror there, with a bit of product on the old thatch and my £200 coat on. And you know what? I kind of half-fancied myself.

I had candles on and – if I say so myself – I looked like a ne’er-do-well in a noirish thriller. A bit dodgy for sure, but doable nonetheless.

So, yes, you may be wondering what has occurred to make me feel so pretty. So witty. So ‘gay’. You may not. I do not know. I lay claim to the ability to peer within the nether regions of neither your soul, your mind nor your pocket. All I can say is this: you know when someone you know – let’s say a friend – is going out with someone you really don’t think is suitable for them? Often you’re dead against the relationship, but you have to respect your friend’s decisions, or at least pretend to, so you bite your lips and nibble your cheeks and say nothing.

Then your friend splits up with their partner, you get drunk together and it all comes out. Everything you’ve ever thought about that good-for-nothing bag of rats. ‘Thank goodness you’re shot of that piece of human excrement,’ you say. ‘Trust me, worst thing that ever happened to you. You’re so much better off without them. In fact, and I probably shouldn’t say, but you were pretty unbearable yourself, while you were together.’ Then before you know it, they’re back together and frankly, things become a little uncomfortable.

Well, brace yourself, for I have news of a personal nature.

Morag and I are back together!

Yes, and by Christ, it definitely deserves at least one exclamation mark. Maybe more. But let’s not go mental.

This time we are going out with one another. None of that modern nonsense. Fuck buddies! I mean, come on. Who were we trying to fool? What were we thinking? In this day and age. Stuff and nonsense. Fuck buddies be buggered. A man needs a wife! No, I’m just kidding. I mean, maybe it’s true. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Although we have made a commitment to each other. And we’re talking about Christmas. And London. And generally being a couple.

That is all I have to say on the subject and I command you – with all of the stentorian muster of Brian Blessed bellowing through a megaphone into a microphone on the main stage at Glastonbury, with the speakers turned up to 11 – to have nothing but good feelings for me. If you don’t mind.

I know most of you will anyway, but a couple of you said some pretty harsh things about Morag when I was stupidly washing our dirty laundry in public a couple of months ago. Or whenever it was. I know you were just trying to be nice to me, but – nothing. Let’s say no more about it. Seriously.

Except this: I am very happy. And what’s more, for a fairly unambiguously ugly bloke, I feel pretty. Sing it!



Now leave your good wishes in the comments and let’s tuck into a celebratory box of Wispas.



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33 comments:

Annie A said...

Good wishes!

I happen to love that musical. Two dangerous gangs ballet dancing their way around New York. What's not to like?

Wisewebwoman said...

I'm so happy for you BDJ though I admit to a sneaking suspicion that something really good was up in your prior post.
Happy meanderings with Morag.
XO
WWW

Saffron said...

This comes as no surprise - your little comment about heading off to Brighton was a tad leading...

Congrats and so forth. Happy to find someone else being happy.

Big hugs, kisses, and all that sort of thing.
x

somechileanwoman said...

We're not going to be there to spoon you every night so just ignore us. Love on and be happy!

Anonymous said...

Well, pretty one, I feel pretty happy for you both. That's fab. And you're right, actually, but being happy does make you feel pretty. Good! Stay happy!

Shimacat

Catofstripes said...

well as commanded, you masterful creature you, best wishes.

And good luck!

Lily Lane said...

Congratulations! I hope it is a sunshine and daisies success!

Don't forget your resolution not to write about personal things on your blog though. They may be happy things now, but I would suggest taking the safe route in this particular instance.

Good luck! You deserve it.

thetombstone said...

All the best chief. To be honest I think most people thought you were kind of being a cock as well as her, which you admitted as much. I hope you guys have worked through whatever it was keeping you apart and you're happy for a long time.

My best friend is still with his unsuitable girlfriend. I tell him exactly what I think of her, in front of her as well.

Misssy M said...

Great news (and selfishly for me that's one thing I can cross of my list of things to feel guilty about) My Hollywood notions of urging a man to run to his woman and declare his love against all odds are now back intact and I can going on believing the dream and behaving like an idiot! Hurrah!

I'm off to watch When Harry Met Sally (again)

Alison Eales said...

Hurrah!

Boz said...

I knew those inverted commas were confusing me. I had existential doubt for a moment there.

Non, Je ne regrette rien said...

Those early feelings of euphoria associated with a romantic interest are undeniably some of the best on earth. so go with it and enjoy the moments...

I'd say more but am trying to honor your ... erm ... command. (hmm, how very interesting ... word verification is noncerse).

martin said...

Cool Bete. If you don't mind I will have a Mars bar........

isabelle said...

oh that's lovely ! Hurray !
(I can see it now , you , Morag and a fluffy little kitten.)

Sharon said...

Congratulations! (Or would Best Wishes be more appropriate?) From what biased information one can glean by reading blog entries, I always liked Morag.

Also- if you have never heard "I Feel Pretty" done by Little Richard, you must seek out that version. Hands down, the best cover of that song ever.

Anonymous said...

To 'love and possibilities' *raises glass of champagne with strawberry floating delicately on top of fizzy bubbles*

All best wishes...

Clare Sudders said...

As long as you communicate with each other, that's all I'm bothered about. I'm sure she's lovely, and certainly never got enough info here to have a properly objective opinion either way. Anyway, you must have been doing some pretty effective communicating to have got back together in the first place. So hurrah for happiness, and best of luck to the both of you!

Innocent Loverboy said...

I'm going to eat a Wispa for you with my good wishes. And link to you on my blog, because I can.

Lauren said...

Bete,

Am happy for you, but do feel that is a bit ridiculous that you refuse to write about your personal life. I mean - what's the point of having the blog then, if only to update on Fridays and write occasional emotionless snippets?

La Bête said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you all.

Lauren, what are you saying? I don't only update on Fridays and have occasional emotionless snippets. Do I? Let me check.

No, I don't.

How dare you.

caroline said...

Aww, bless.Good luck to both of you.Two cats are better than one though, they will keep each other company while you and Morag are otherwise engaged.

In my most humble opinion.

Caroline xx

Cat said...

I was always kind of in Morag's corner, to be honest. And I am now earworming I Feel Pretty, which I'm hoping will soon segue into something else (Officer Krupke? Tonight?) because I don't much like it.

The Monkeyman said...

For a minute there I thought you were going to tell us Keith briefly split up with his posh other half and you slagged her off something rotten before their undying love brought them back together.

I was cringing for you.

But the story went another way, so that's nice.

Anonymous said...

I love that musical too! And The Sound of Music. It has nothing to do with the fact that my name is Maria.

I'm happy for you! Enjoy feeling pretty!

Maria in Oregon

Larry Teabag said...

You're so pretty oh so pretty vacant.

My good wishes.

Selena said...

Happy that your'e happy; Happy that she's happy, nothing but well wishes.

savannah said...

all the best, sugar! xox

daisyfae said...

you can be pretty, but for the love of god don't start wearing those natalie wood 'hair bows'... NOT attractive then, NOT attractive now...

enjoy this part - savor the feeling... write it down... even in the best circumstances, it changes... this is the shit that all those goofy songs are written about! hey! maybe you should write a song, pretty boy?

zoe said...

hey, that's great! Woohoo!
I'm really pleased for you, I hope it all works out x

Lily Lane said...

"Oh, and for all you ladies out there, I am single... "

Perhaps you should change your profile now as a symbol of your commitment?

Anonymous said...

Bonjour La Bête,
Félicitations!
Je vous souhaite tout le bonheur du monde !
Uncle Did

Lauren said...

ok, fair's fair. but I've been upset about this paragraph since you wrote it: "No more deeply personal stuff. From now on I’m going to concentrate solely on life’s trifles. Everyday fancies. Crab sticks and horsefeathers. This blog, I finally realise, is supposed to be where I play. Therefore, I need to start enjoying it properly again – I had stopped recently. Also, importantly, I need to draw a line between this blog and my real life. A thick line. In permanent marker pen."

Also, if you can be so generous with complaints about life and tales of woe, why can't you be as generous with your readership when things go RIGHT in your life?

La Bête said...

Look, the thing is, there are some nutty people out there and it turns out I have to be careful. So I've been trying not to give too much away. But obviously it's tough. I'm just being circumspect, that's all. Yeah?

Nice, Larry. Nice.