Or is it just me? You can tell me. I can take it.
Tuesday, 26 January 2010
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...an ugly man's guide to life, love and happiness.
Contact
If you would like to say hello or how'd you do or just give me a piece of your mind, please feel free to drop me a line at karlpwebster AT gmail DOT com. Thanks.
My Most Significant Moments...
- My First Time With A Lady
- My Second Time With A Lady
- My First Time With An Animal
- My First Time With A Virtual Lady
- My First Bash At Online Bingo
- My First Speed Date (Part One)
- My First Speed Date (Part Two)
- My Best Friend's Girl
- My First Real Grief
- My First Funeral For A Friend
- My First School Reunion
- My First Bout of Air Rage
- My First Attempt At Parody
Order The Book Now!
...or have a good old gander before you order...
BROWSE INSIDE... but remember, once you've browsed, you are legally obliged to buy at least three copies.
What People Say About The Book
'Fave book of the year. Ace... I laughed lots and cried twice.'
'Glorious. Brutal, tragic, funny.'
'...one of the most exciting new literary talents of 2009.'
'Cattermole… has been described as one of the hottest literary talents of 2009. And his book is every bit as good as his blog….'
- Sky News
'...I enjoy reading Stan Cattermole’s writing as much as I enjoy Mark Twain and Charles Dickens and Kurt Vonnegut. In fact, I have rarely read anything more painfully humorous and delightfully moving.'
In a nutshell..
- La Bête
- I am a good man - loving and funny and true - wrapped in the body of a brutal, brutal mess. I also have a face like a bag of elbows. This is my curse. If you see me limping down a London street, do not judge me - because you do not know me. Just give me a smile, or if that proves too difficult, please try to look away without wincing. It really is the least you can do.
Qype. The London Entertainment Guide
Artist in Residence (although not this residence)
Feed de Jour
Confess Your Sins :: Cleanse Your Soul
Self-Publicity :: While My Own Trumpet Gently Weeps Spit…
‘I'm sorry but this blog is way too good for an amateur. It’s either William Leith or Irvine Welsh….’
- Hendo
'...superb, hovering somewhere between Dostoevsky, Wodehouse and Adrian Mole....'
- Tim Footman
‘Hilarious and hot, all in one. How refreshing.’
- Bittersweet-Me
‘Funny, well-written, touching… addictive and fast-gathering a cult following.’
- Rachel from North London
‘You are such a wanker, you really are! People like you make me wanna vomit. My got [sic] the world would be such a dull place if you had your way, wouldnt [sic] it?’
- Anonymous Sebastian Horsley fan
‘[Bete de Jour] is an awesome writer, and has the balls to write about some ridiculously personal stuff…. Read his 'significant moment' posts… they're all great, and revealing, and refreshingly honest.’
- TheTelf
‘I salute your great honesty, unless you made it up, in which case I salute your great dishonesty.’
- Larry Teabag
‘Wonderful, wonderful writing! I fear you've become my new addiction.’
- SJ
‘I bloody love MDMA. Yum yum.’
- Roszs Bif
‘You're hilarious!’
- Mary Setrakian
‘You know, I reckon with that whole self-effacing thing going on, you're not going to need to shell out for whores - we girls are suckers for that stuff….’
- Glamourpuss
‘Like other readers of your wittily-penned blog, I think you are likely to find your next partner by the power of your typing fingers and creative thoughts....’
- Shimacat
‘You are a beautiful person. Period.’
- Jessica Rae
‘I never even knew that cats liked marmite.’
- EmmaK
‘I love how you write, I love your Blog, and I love you.’
- Ginny
‘You write beautifully, BDJ. This can only spring from the beauty you are.’
- wisewebwoman
‘And there I was thinking you'd never top the cat porn… You share my love of subverting the sex genre...’
- Luka
‘Before I read this, I don't remember the last time I laughed out loud at my computer.’
- Ryan Lawson [It was ten minutes earlier]
‘You swing between extremely touching, confessional posts and flat-out, totally wrong but right, hilarity.’
- Hank Kingsley
‘Bloody amazing stuff. I'm definitely nominating you for something when blog awards season rolls around.’
- Sir Garence
‘Your blog is really good and interesting, even when you are writing about disgusting things like vomit and poo.’
- Uncle Did
‘I knew it! Surely there had to be something worth reading out there in Blogland. And now I've found it. I did read the one track mind girl for a while, but then everyone told her she was a good writer, so she started writing like someone trying to be a writer, which was tiresome. I hope that doesn't happen to you… More power to your elbow(s).’
- Brian
- Hendo
'...superb, hovering somewhere between Dostoevsky, Wodehouse and Adrian Mole....'
- Tim Footman
‘Hilarious and hot, all in one. How refreshing.’
- Bittersweet-Me
‘Funny, well-written, touching… addictive and fast-gathering a cult following.’
- Rachel from North London
‘You are such a wanker, you really are! People like you make me wanna vomit. My got [sic] the world would be such a dull place if you had your way, wouldnt [sic] it?’
- Anonymous Sebastian Horsley fan
‘[Bete de Jour] is an awesome writer, and has the balls to write about some ridiculously personal stuff…. Read his 'significant moment' posts… they're all great, and revealing, and refreshingly honest.’
- TheTelf
‘I salute your great honesty, unless you made it up, in which case I salute your great dishonesty.’
- Larry Teabag
‘Wonderful, wonderful writing! I fear you've become my new addiction.’
- SJ
‘I bloody love MDMA. Yum yum.’
- Roszs Bif
‘You're hilarious!’
- Mary Setrakian
‘You know, I reckon with that whole self-effacing thing going on, you're not going to need to shell out for whores - we girls are suckers for that stuff….’
- Glamourpuss
‘Like other readers of your wittily-penned blog, I think you are likely to find your next partner by the power of your typing fingers and creative thoughts....’
- Shimacat
‘You are a beautiful person. Period.’
- Jessica Rae
‘I never even knew that cats liked marmite.’
- EmmaK
‘I love how you write, I love your Blog, and I love you.’
- Ginny
‘You write beautifully, BDJ. This can only spring from the beauty you are.’
- wisewebwoman
‘And there I was thinking you'd never top the cat porn… You share my love of subverting the sex genre...’
- Luka
‘Before I read this, I don't remember the last time I laughed out loud at my computer.’
- Ryan Lawson [It was ten minutes earlier]
‘You swing between extremely touching, confessional posts and flat-out, totally wrong but right, hilarity.’
- Hank Kingsley
‘Bloody amazing stuff. I'm definitely nominating you for something when blog awards season rolls around.’
- Sir Garence
‘Your blog is really good and interesting, even when you are writing about disgusting things like vomit and poo.’
- Uncle Did
‘I knew it! Surely there had to be something worth reading out there in Blogland. And now I've found it. I did read the one track mind girl for a while, but then everyone told her she was a good writer, so she started writing like someone trying to be a writer, which was tiresome. I hope that doesn't happen to you… More power to your elbow(s).’
- Brian
27 comments:
It's not you, it's weird.
Hurray!
babies with phones encouraged to be consumers at as early an age as possible - what could be more normal and healthy...
Well, not that weird. I think it might be you.
Boo.
Exceptionally weird. And it's you, too.
Very weird indeed.
Not very weird. Not you either, unless you're a card which allows people to call abroad, and have a slightly bad pun for a name.
Differences of opinion abound.
I just think it's a bit dodgy, that's all. Yeah, you heard me right. Dodgy.
Not weird at all if you take into account that Thailand and Vietnam are a paedophiles' paradise...
I can't see what is weird about it.
They're babies and phones.
@Nick Tann Take a look at yourself, man. What are you saying?
I see nothing wrong with showing pictures of babies.
What are you saying?
Pictures of babies is wrong? How so?
Bonjour La Bête,
It's not weird, but it's crap.
you are sometimes weird, but never crap.
Uncle Did
It's weird. So's Nick.
Nick Tann - taken as two separate entities, phones and babies are not weird.
However, together, and flogging a cheap calling service, it is rather strange.
I suppose if you saw a gorilla wearing a tutu you'd say:
"I can't see what is weird about it. It's a gorilla and it's a tutu."
It's fucking sexy is what it is.
Anonymous - I fear:
"I can't see what is weird about it. It's a gorilla and it's a tutu."
... will be Nick Tann's epitath.
I don't think it's weird. It's just a really bad pun.
If you think this is weird then you must be in a total state of bewilderment when watching tv.
Apes advertising chocolate?
Robots advertising cars?
Animated woodland animals advertsing a caramel bar?
Iggy Pop advertising insurance?
What ever nex?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLBOQtWJfV4
Perhaps I'm just immune to it, flash and it's gone.
On to the next new thing....
Both?
You're all weird.
At least I've got a proper name....
So we can stalk you....
Curiously I have never felt the urge to talk to a Vietnamese baby (sure they are nice chaps though) still less pay for the privilege of doing so.
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