Saturday, 12 April 2008

Back On The Menu :: Food

I played tennis yesterday afternoon and afterwards I was feeling quite weak, so my tennis partner Pip (dog-killer) said: ‘Why don’t you come back to mine and I’ll cook you a huge fuck-off steak?’

‘Um… because I’m on a fast,’ I replied.

He shook his head. ‘Nah,’ he said. ‘Come on, don’t be a cunt. I’ve got a couple bottles of [some posh French red wine] an’ all.’

Well. When he put it so very swearily, I could hardly resist.

So I ate and drank like a man breaking a five-day fast.

And it was good. Really good.

My only fear now – now that I’m craving chocolate and bananas and salmon and Skittles and, well, just about anything with calories in it – is, will I put it all back on again within the next five days? Well, we shall see.

I hope not. I’m going to keep up the exercise. Now for example, rather than drive to the supermarket to buy 12 Terry’s Chocolote Oranges, I’m going to walk. I may even break into a run.

Share on Facebook! Digg this


Anonymous said...

Be careful. You should break a fast slowly. Soup would have been a better first meal than a huge fuck-off steak and a bottle of plonk ... ;)

David said...

12 chocolate oranges? Why, that's nearly two and a half days' worth of "Five-A-Day" ...

Luka said...

Welcome back to the realm of fleshly delights!

Anonymous said...

What does it mean you were feeling WEEK?!

Never heard that before.

I hope now you have eaten you start writing as you used to; fasting harms your spelling :P


La Bête said...

But what would Jesus do, Spaceman? Well, I did a little research and after his 40 days fasting in the wilderness, I discovered that Jesus had a large Fiorentina steak marinated in rosemary and garlic, served with porchini mushrooms and spinach. Followed by three bottles of wine and a massive tiramisu all to Himself. But then He was magic.

Yes, Duke, chocolate oranges are actually twice as good for you as real oranges. Fact.

Thank you, Luka. You will be thrilled to hear I also had a delicious long wank yesterday as well. With rubbing cream and everything.

Damn you, Lilith! Well spotted. I've fixed it now. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

excellent news - and look, you're writing has immediately become more coherent again!

people usually have a fair amount of food inside them at different stages of "processing" (spot the euphemism!) so much of the initial weight lost when fasting is because you're clearing out - so don't become despondent if it goes up a bit when you put food back inside you - keep on keeping on!

ps. the 12 chocolate oranges made me ROFL

Anonymous said...

arghh - hanging my head at the "you're" - a rookie mistake

I am ashamed!

Anonymous said...

De nada! :)

Vulgar Wizard said...

My grandmother remembers Terry’s Chocolote Oranges fondly.