How to Find Love Using Totally Idiotic Videos

Last night I stumbled across Video Jug, a site devoted to short ‘how to’ videos that cover everything from ‘How to Kiss Someone Passionately’ and ‘How to Put on a Condom’ to more serious stuff like ‘How Did AIDS Become a Pandemic?’ and ‘How Can I Examine Myself For Cancer?’ to really idiotic stuff like ‘How to Avoid Trapped Arm Whilst Cuddling in Bed’ and ‘How to Hide an Unwanted Erection’. Some of it is clearly supposed to be funny. But isn’t. Some of it supposed to be genuinely helpful. But isn’t.

In fact, everything I’ve watched so far has been uniformly hideous and insulting. This is from the Kiss Passionately film:

‘When you think about it, putting your lips onto another person’s lips and moving them about is an odd thing to do. But do it right and it can be a wonderful experience.’

Is it odd? It's not odd. On French kissing:

‘This kind of kissing was not invented by the French, although they’re probably quite good at it.’

Are they? Why, because they’re French? Ugh. Horrible horrible horrible. They also define ‘necking’ as ‘kissing and nibbling the neck’. Is it? I’m no expert but I thought it was just another name for kissing. Anyone?

Oh, God. Whatever you do, if you suspect your child is gay, don’t watch the film entitled ‘What to Do If You Suspect Your Child Is Gay’. But do take a moment to check out the very creepy Dominic Davies. The man who puts the ‘rapist’ in ‘psychotherapist’. Oh, and the ‘psycho’. He puts the ‘psycho’ in too.

Video Jug's tagline is 'Life Explained. On Film.' I don't know how long they've been going, but I wish to God they'd stop.

Before they stop however, one film they should definitely make on is ‘How to Get Rid of a Friend You Discover Actually Watches Video Jug Videos Seriously and Uses Them As a Genuine Source of Good Advice’.

Then they should stop.