bulk :: 15st 8 (oh God. Reserves of discipline being dredged as we speak, I swear. Or actually, I’m currently thinking of starting up again on January 31st. That’s my favourite date. Classic date for fresh starts. I won’t be going to Fitness First though. No, Sir. I popped into one round my way for a looksee, and it reminded me of stories I’ve heard about some offices in China, just rows and rows and rows of people all doing exactly the same thing, cramped and unsmiling. They had some excellent facilities, I’ll give them that, but there was just something creepy about it. I didn’t like the amount of information I had to give either. I am not a Number! I am a Free Man!)
booze units :: quite a few to be honest. I’ve discovered whisky. It’s nice.
leaves left on the poinsettia :: 67
word count :: 137,627 (next step is to get rid of half of those words, rearrange those remaining and then find some more new ones to add to the mix)
silly accents in my head as I read :: 7
films watched :: 3
Good morning to you. How are you feeling this morning? I know, I know, there’s another cold snap coming, you can feel it in your wrists. But what can you do? Into every Summer a little Winter must fall.
So, I do hope you’re well, I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages. Did you have a good weekend? Merely OK? Come, come, what did you get up to?
I usually see you on a Friday, of course, but I’ve been busy as a bee, writing away like a bonnie wee rascal, writing away like a wordy fuck. And after a shaky start I’ve really got into it. I’ve located the balls of the thing and I’m giving them a good old squeeze. Time though, eh? There really aren’t enough hours in the day.
So, let me tell you a thing or two of what I’ve been up to since last we chatted.
I went to the optician for a free eye test. Cost me a bloody fortune. And while I was in there - SpecSavers it was - an old lady came to the counter after me and said to the young woman behind it, she said: ‘Will you clean my glasses, please?’ Then she took her glasses off and handed them to the young woman.
The young woman was twenty-one, twenty-two maybe, blonde and pleasant and ordinary. The old lady was in her sixties, and seemed quite mad. She had no care, no sense of convention, she did not conform.
The young woman examined the glasses, and said, ‘These are not SpecSavers glasses.’
The old lady, moving slowly from side to side and blinking, said. ‘Yeh, will you clean them, please?’ She spoke quickly and with nasal clarity.
The young woman was in a corner. She didn’t want to be rude, but there were other people waiting, with requests she was paid to consider more important. ‘OK,’ she said. ‘Will you take a seat, please.’
The old lady shuffled to a nearby seat and sat waiting patiently.
The young woman dealt with a couple more customers and when the rush died down, she cleaned the old lady’s glasses and returned them to her.
The old lady took them from her, stood up and shuffled quickly and silently out of the shop.
Not so much as a by your leave. Milady.
The young woman shook her head in disbelief. If they have Candid Camera in her country, she was probably very briefly entertaining the idea that she was being set up for the hilarity of the feeble-minded and housebound.
I asked her if that had ever happened before. She said it had not. We agreed it was strange.
When I got home I loaded up the car with dirty dishes and high-tailed it to IKEA.
And ehhh… So what else?
Well, I went into London on the tube this week and I was using prepay. I made a bit of an arse of things and lost some money doing a stupid thing with my card. A tube station employee saw me standing there like a disappointed moron and asked if everything was OK. Then, when I explained, he proceeded to help me get a refund from the guy at the window with such an extraordinarily friendly manner that I was quite taken aback. He did his job perfectly. It really stood out in this city where good service is becoming a forgotten art. I know I’m sounding like a frightful reactionary, but dash it all, you know it’s true. But this guy was great. I would have tipped this guy if he’d worked in an industry that was deemed tippable. As it was, I merely thanked him repeatedly and made it quite clear that he’d made my day.
We’re meeting for dinner on Wednesday.
And ehhh… So, Morag bought me many wonderful things for Christmas. We had a great time by the way, both here and in Scotland. One day I think I’d like to talk about it all. There was fun and there were feelings. It was really quite something. Anyway, one of the things she got me was a voucher for a man-pampering centre. This is because I’ve always said, one day, when I can afford it, I’d love to have sit-down with a chiropodist. So just as soon as I can grab an afternoon, I’m going to get my feet scraped. And maybe a nice facial.
And ehhh... Ooh, also this week I’ve got another round of medical things coming up, including eyes, ears and balls check. Wish me luck, you old devil, you.
leaves left on the poinsettia :: 65
So tell me, how’s your Monday shaping up? Tell me everything.
I'm off to bed.