Wednesday, 2 September 2009

Dan Brown :: A Clarification

In my last blog post I gave an account of a recent conversation I had with a shop assistant in a branch of WH Smith. The post gave rise to some stinging controversy in the comments, which on reflection, I thought I’d better address. So, in the name of full disclosure, I feel I should point out at this stage that the account of the conversation I provided last week was not a particularly accurate one. A more accurate version follows here:


Me :: [Handing over a card with the meerkat on it which I was buying for my grandmother, who likes meerkats] Just that please.

Lady :: Are you interested in half price Dan Brown today?

Me :: I’m sorry?

Lady :: You can order Dan Brown’s latest book for half price.

Me: Wow. No, I’m alright actually. And do you have to ask everybody that?

Lady: Aye. Sometime it’s Dan Brown, sometimes it’s half-price chocolates.

Me: Ha! Well, good day to you, Ma’am.

Lady: Good day to you, sir. Do come again!


Sorry if I misled anyone with my slightly doctored version below. It was never my intention to hoodwink or disconcert. I guess I was trying to be funny or something. Please accept my sincere apologies.

In other news, I am in my super spacious new room in London and today - because I think it will do me good - I started reading The Da Vinci Code. At the moment I'm only two chapters in, but I must say, it really is eminently readable.



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23 comments:

Anonymous said...

Bonjour La Bête,
Poor you, having to justify what you write...
It's your own place, don't let the commenters take control !
Uncle Did

notkeith said...

"... it really is eminently readable."

Now that really is lowly behaviour.

Mindy Marsh said...

So you have given in and are now reading Dan Brown? It's a bit like eating a McDonalds burger - you feel good at the time but 10 mins later you are hungry again and totally regret it.
Enjoy while it lasts and try not to get too upset about the geographical inaccuracies. It is, after all, only make believe.

Anonymous said...

I bet the old Hen is fun at parties. At any rate, I hope she's happier with the literal re-enactment of the scene.
Jennifer!

Tim Footman said...

Traitor.

Brigitte Bordeaux said...

Ma Bête,

I infinitely prefered the first version on so may levels. However, there is a distinct elegant wrath in the posting of the second.

I clap my hands in delight for finding a master at that most English of English style: the needle sharp polite insult (with a smidgen of poison...). Many many thanks. Count me in with your faithful followers from now on.
BB, Belgique

Nicky said...

Heheheh. Knife, get back in the drawer: you're not required today

LittleLadyJo88 said...

I would have prefered the half price chocolate!!! :D

iLL Man said...

Hilarious! This is what happens when your blog is read by more than 12 people.....

They'd have got a well aimed "Fuck You!" round my place, but I understand your methods are a little more civilised...;)

Cheers for the namecheck at the back of yr book! :)

Finance Guy said...

I feel bad now. You fooled us into think you were a twerp to that lady when in fact you were probably the nicest man she'd served all day.

A CURSE BE ON YOU.

Tuesday Kid said...

You should have come back with a big dog and set it on the bastard. Just so they know what you can do if they fuck with you again.

jenheffa said...

The butler did it.

MB said...

The word "tripe" comes to mind when thinking of the Da Vinci Code.....read it and then used it as a doorstop. You will waste many an hour of your life trying to finish that garbage........many an hour.

Sophie Holt said...

Oh god don't do it. And don't let pedantic commenters get you down - if every blog relied purely on *actual* conversations and events it'd be a pretty shit internet. You carry on being your same witty self and we'll keep on reading :)

the fly in the web said...

Never apologise, never explain.
When the British forgot this simple rule they lost the empire.
Do not lose control of your blog.

Ian said...

That's all very well. But can we be guaranteed that you have faithfully and accurately transcribed every word of the conversation?

Columbo said...

I agree with notkeith.

Swineshead said...

Finance Guy was actually me - used somebody else's log in by mistake.

A needless clarification but also an important one.

Doc said...

Oh, how the mighty have fallen!

Panda said...

Oh Christ Stan.

Don't read the shite, it's a waste of eyeball movement.

I was going with the 'don't apologise' faction - your charm is in your boldness, but hey, I enjoyed the implicit sarcasm in your rebuttal anyway.

Kate said...

I loved the first version just the kind of thing I always want to say but am not quite brave enough!

petrichoric said...

Wow. I just read your "30-year-old virgin" post and laughed so hard I nearly pissed myself.

No wonder you got a bloody book deal.

Anonymous said...

You spoiled all the fun with your 'Clarification'.