So. The girlfriend thing. It’s over. It was genuinely beautiful while it lasted, but now it’s over. The woman in question thought it would be better if we were just friends. I’m still not sure why to be honest. Well, I can guess, but I’m trying not to think about it. I don’t feel too bad about it really – I mean, I have no regrets and I have no bitterness – I just feel tragically, tearfully, terrifically sad that it couldn’t go on. Forever.
Damn.
What I’ve decided to do however, is to listen to I Know It’s Over by The Smiths over and over and over and over and over again very, very loudly indeed for the rest of the night.
If you don’t know the song, I urge you to get to know it immediately, especially if you’re of a maudlin or self-indulgent nature, as I know I am. In fact, put it on at once and let us sing along together…
And as I climb into an empty bed, oh well... Enough said.
I know it's over... still I cling.
I don't know where else I can go….
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head.
See, the sea wants to take me, the knife wants to slit me
Do you think you can help me?
Sad veiled bride, please be happy;
Handsome groom, give her room.
Loud, loutish lover, treat her kindly,
Though she needs you more than she loves you.
And I know it's over... still I cling.
I don't know where else I can go.
Over and over and over and over
Over and over….
I know it's over, and it never really began,
But in my heart it was so real,
And you even spoke to me, and said:
‘If you're so funny, then why are you on your own tonight?
And if you're so clever, then why are you on your own tonight?
If you're so very entertaining, then why are you on your own tonight?
If you're so very good-looking, why do you sleep alone tonight?
I know... 'Cause tonight is just like any other night.
That's why you're on your own tonight.
And your triumphs and your charms,
Well they're in each other's arms...’
It's so easy to laugh, it's so easy to hate,
It takes strength to be gentle and kind.
Over, over, over, over.
It's so easy to laugh, it's so easy to hate,
It takes guts to be gentle and kind.
Over, over.
Love is natural and real, but not for you, my love,
Not tonight, my love.
Love is natural and real, but not for such as you and I, my love.
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head...
Repeat to fade.
Dry eyes.
Listen again.
12 comments:
Godammit! My heart hurts for you. Yup, I used the lord's name in vain, on Easter too. Because that's how sad I am for this turn of events.
awww, i'm so sorry things didn't work out, bete. perhaps those uneaten chocolate easter eggs would help right now? i know they'd help me. that and a big dose of the cure.
feel better!
It's a sad fact of life but if you're venturing out into the harsh world of dating you'd better be ready for that chilling phrase "we should just be friends".
What it usually means is "you're a nice person and I prefer utter bastards because there's something just a little bit wrong with me, but I'll come and cry on your shoulder when the latest idiot (predictably) breaks my heart."
Oh I'm so sorry! This is absolutely not me trying to console you, but you set out in 2008 to improve yourself and find love, yes? It's still only March and you've had 1 attempt. Lots more possibilities out there, just keep moving forward.
Commiserations. I think the Urbane Spaceman sums it up nicely.
Puss
Thank you all so much and yes, Penelope, that's pretty much how I'm trying to look at it too. You can't expect to find The One just as soon as you start looking, can you? That would walking up to the nearest haystack and pulling out the needle like you knew where it was all along - like Donald Pleasance in The Great Escape - then saying, 'What a good boy am I'. It just doesn't happen. And I did have very good fun. Honestly, despite the sobbing like a big Wendy, I am happy. No regrets.
I love that song and I feel your pain. When I was in 8th grade I used to sit on my bed with my back against the wall and listen to that song and that record over and over. I'd cry a lot whilst listening too.
And, yes, to what Urbane Spaceman said.
Will you continue to be friends with her? Maybe she doesn't deserve your friendship. Maybe she does. *shrug*
Hey, at least you didn't spend the day nailed to a cross. Things could always be worse.
-Tamara
Nothing beats Roy Orbison singing "It's Over" for full scale drunken wallowing and bellowing along.
I'm sorry you've had a let-down - but it moves you a step nearer to meeting your Real One.
Hey Bête,
I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out with you and your love interest. I was rooting for things to work out. Which is funny, because I was rooting for you even though-you've revealed nothing at all about your relationship (which by the way seems to be a little contrary to your online persona... I'm jus'sayin) for all I know the relationship could have been a completely unhealthy one.
At least- you're not bitter that it's over and seem to be taking it rather well. Albeit, you are listening to the Smith's on repeat, which is a level of sad and depressed- akin to to the unrequited love of a 16 year old emo kid- I'm not poking fun- I think teenage heartbreak is quite severe...because it's so often insane. You know, too fast and too furious...not like the movie ( because they used the number 2; not the adverb )- or maybe just like the movie. Oh sh!t! I'm not making sense any more. I hate when that happens! Well, on the upside- at least you're not listening to Radio Head on repeat. If that were the case; I'd be more than a little worried.
I do not claim to know a lot about love- I've only ever really been in love once and sufficed to say- it didn't work out. What I do know is that one thing you can take from this, "lets be friends" incident; is that there are people out there who really do fancy elbows. To accept that you are completely worthy of affection and that there are people who are glad and willing to give you it. That there's the hope that you'll find something more permanent and not to use the addition of another friend as fuel for a self hating fire. I think some English man said, “He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.” You Brits, really do have a nifty way with words. :-)
So, after you've rutted a melancholy roundabout into you're smiths record or c.d.- you need to get back on the horse. Maybe not straight away, perhaps start off with a wooden carousel horse or- I really don't know where I'm going with this... Hmm, maybe a horse wasn't the best choice for a metaphor right now, but you know what I mean...hopefully.
I hope you take the happiness gained from this relationship and use it to help sustain you in your continued search for Miss Right.
As an afterthought, I hope it's a Smiths LP, or perhaps a 12"; because when dealing with heart ache- it is so much more affecting-if you play records...seriously, heartbreak just isn't tragically hip unless it's soundtrack is set to popping vinyl. ;-)
I find Come Back To Camden equally melodramatic for post break up purposes and you get to pretend to play the piano too. But really, the best way to get over this is to post the details of the relationship for your readers' voyeuristic pleasure.
i'll swop your Smiths for a Nick Cave ... Into My Arms is a real weeper, as is, not surprisingly, The Weeping Song. I use then for "life can't get any worse" moments. I love sad songs.
*fires up itunes for instant gratification*
Sorry about the girlfriend ((hug))
Can i recommend Echo and the Bunnymen's Nothing Lasts Forever for wallowing in self-pity? It's my first choice for heartache. "All the shadows and the pain are coming to you". Perfect.
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