Friday, 22 May 2009

Feedback Friday :: Thank You, Ione

Here I am, in an internet café just off Russell Square. I’m drunk, frankly, and I’ve been smoking cigarettes. I know, I know, but you know, fuck it. You only die once. And they were only rollies. Get off my back.

The good news is, the book – my book, that is – is absolutely marvellous. And I’m talking here about the physical reality of it, rather than the content, which is obviously way beyond marvellous. In fact, the more I look at it, the more I feel that I’ve died and gone to the great book shop in the sky. Really. I keep having to pinch myself to make sure it’s true. And when I say pinch myself, what I actually mean is grab hold of my groin like Michael Jackson with scabies and let rip with a barbaric whoop of joy. It really is a thing of enormous beauty. And I think I say that with complete objectivity.

Which reminds me, I forgot to thank the wonderful, the delectable Ione in the last page of the book – the acknowledgments page. Aaaah, Ione. Please forgive me. I’m a little drunk at the moment, as I’ve mentioned, and I can’t remember exactly what it is you did, but I do know that it was enormously important and that you did it not only with élan, but also with gobsmacking charm. And I’d also like to thank Stina. And Jonathan Ross.

Now, I have exactly one hour to get to the airport, so I must away. I shall be popping back regularly though, with short but sweet, mysterious but exhilarating posts from wherever it is I’m going.

Clue :: it isn't here...

In the meantime, if you’ll excuse the rather unpleasant nature of what I’m about to do, please buy my book. I hate whoring myself, I really do, but, you know, I have to. And it is a great book – physically, and spiritually. It has a tiny cat in the corner of every page, and the hardback has a secret code embedded in its spine which, if correctly deciphered, could result in eternal life for you and a loved one of your choice. Or something. And I really will sign it for you. In blood if you like. Not mine, obviously.

Right, gotta go.

Have a wonderful weekend whatever it is you’re doing. What are you doing by the way? Anything nice?

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Anonymous said...

I absolutely will buy it but I absolutely expect a glorious autograph in it!
Plan on getting very pissed, very often this weekend.

Beleaguered Squirrel said...

I'm supposed to be coming all the way to London on a train and being all excited by bright lights and big city and meeting up with a load of authors in an authorly place, but my smallest child is proper ill so I have to stay in Manchester and hold a crying baby instead.

Ah well. I bought a shiny new red car today, but only because my current car died without warning on Tuesday, royally buggering up my week, and now I'm even more in debt but, you know. The new one is shiny. And red.

PS I hate you, with all the tininess of my soul.

Megan said...

You still write great drunk than I do at all! And congrats on surviving the North East. Any tips on what to do/not to do when I have my trip to London in the summer? You know, like, don't approach the pigeons, they're actually quite violent, or something like that? I'm bound to piss off a few people whilst I'm down there, thats for sure! Xx

Kirses said...

oh you should have let us know you were in russell sq, some of us could have popped over and tried to guess which fella in the vicinity was you...

SugarCain said...

That was not much of a clue, you know. But you were drunk, so I forgive you. I have spent more time than is healthy wondering if you are enjoying your trip and where the hell you are doing the enjoying. You mentioned tweeting, but I have seen none. I plan to hoist a small shot of Kentucky bourbon to you this holiday weekend.

K said...

I have pre-ordered a copy of your book. When will you sign my boobs... I mean, my book?

Non Je Ne Regrette Rien said...

buy your book eh? well, assume the position and I just might! dirty whore ... :P