bulk :: 15st 12
cigarettes :: 0
gym visits :: loads
bananas :: boatloads
apples :: a veritable orchard’s worth
Hob Nobs :: 0
kilos of spinach :: 1.5
comment nutters tamed :: 0
humiliations :: 1
more important things :: 1
This morning Keith knocked on my bedroom door and woke me up with a cup of spiced chai. ‘Time to wake up,’ he said. ‘Wake up and smell the chai.’ I relinquished sleep with all the grace and dignity of a starving man relinquishing a golden doughnut, and slowly, almost painfully, I focused.
Keith was sitting in the leather armchair in the corner of my room, staring and smoking a joint. ‘Jesus,’ I said. ‘It’s a bit early, isn’t it?’
‘It is a bit, yes,’ he agreed. ‘But I’ve had some distressing news and I’m using it as an excuse to smoke skunk at 7.30 in the morning.’
I sat up and accepted the ash-tray. ‘What’s happened?’ I said, wary, on edge. The smoke waltzed through me like a muffling phantom, leaving me nauseous, woozy, instantly befuddled of both bowel and brain.
‘My dad’s had a heart attack,’ he said.
Like a machine that’s had its plug pulled, every part of me just stopped.
‘Is he OK?’ I said.
‘No,’ said Keith slowly. ‘He’s had a heart attack.’
‘How serious is it?’ I asked.
‘It’s quite serious,’ said Keith.
‘How serious?’ I persisted. ‘Is he going to die?’
‘I don’t think so. He’s stabilised since it happened last night. I’m going to go and see him.’
‘I’m coming too,' I said. 'Is that alright?’
So. In an hour or two, we’re driving to Burnley.
A heart attack is a serious thing, but as far as I can tell, if he’s survived it, then the chances are he’s out of the woods for now, or at least out of the dangerous epicentre of the woods, where the Evil Dead lurk. Now he’s kind of scrambling on the edge of the woods, dipping in and out of sunlight, tripping over roots and sweating, panicking slightly, desperate to get home. But I’m no doctor.
It’s scary. But it does put things into perspective. I really don’t have the gall to feel sorry for myself anymore. At least not for the moment.
This is Serious.
This is Life and Death.
Still, you’ve got to laugh.
Have a good weekend. You up to anything interesting or fun? Go on, let me know…