Wednesday, 1 October 2008

The Morag Situation #3 :: Did you fuck Christ?

Last week…

Scat: So did you have a nice weekend?

Morag: Hey.
Yeah, it was OK.

Scat: Where did you go?

Morag: Just stayed here in the end.

Scat: What, you didn’t go anywhere?

Morag: Nah.

Scat: So what did you do?

Morag: My friend came to see me here.

Scat: Ah. OK.
You’re not making this very easy.

Morag: ?

Scat: OK. So be it. So this friend, was it a lady friend or a gentleman caller?

Morag: His name is Christ. I used to work with him. I’ve known him for a while.

Scat: His name is Christ?

Morag: Oops. I mean Chris. Sorry. I always put an extra ‘t’ on the end of Christ when I’m typing it.
See?
It's like a finger-tick.

Scat: So did you fuck him?
Did you fuck Christ?

Morag: You sure you want to know?

Scat: I think I already do, don’t I?

Morag: Yeah, we had sex.

Scat: Cool. I’m happy for you.

Morag: Thanks.

Scat: Was it any good?

Morag: Yeah, I enjoyed it. Thanks.

Scat: Not at all. I’m pleased for you.
That’s excellent.

Morag: How was your weekend?

Scat: Shit, thanks.
Utter shit.

Morag: I’m sorry, Stan.
How did it go with your dad?

Scat: Hey, no worries. Is he good looking, this Christ fellow?

Morag: Yeah, he‘s quite good looking.

Scat: Brilliant. Very pleased. Smiling all over my face for you now.

Morag: Oh come on. You’re not even that ugly yourself.
All this ugly stuff is such an overblown pile of shite.

Scat: I’VE BEEN SPAT ON!

Morag: AND I’VE BEEN HEAD-BUTTED! AND IT DOESN’T MEAN A FUCKING THING!!!
All it means is there are some arseholes in this world.
Get over it.

Scat: You get over it.

Morag: Oh, don't be childish.

Scat: You don't be childish.

Morag: Right OK Stan. I think I better go.

Scat: Wait wait wait don’t go.

Morag: What?

Scat: Are you going to see me again?

Morag: I’m not sure that’s such a good idea at the moment.

Scat: OK.
Cool.

Morag: Let’s just see how things pan out.

Scat: What about Christ? Will you be seeing a bit more of Christ?

Morag: I don’t know, Stan.

Scat: Look, I don’t know how this is like suddenly a big deal. It’s really not, you know. We’re just fuck buddies. We WERE just fuck buddies, whatever, I’m over it. Just be straight with me, I can take it.

Morag: Yes then. I think we’re going to give it a go. He’s been interested in me for a while.

Scat: Cunt.
Sorry sorry sorry.
That just slipped out of my fingers.

Morag: Stan.

Scat: Fucking shit.

Morag: Look, I’d better go.

Scat: Let’s still chat a bit. I promise I’ll be OK. You can still teach me French. Hm?

Morag: OK, we’ll see. I got to go.

Scat: OK. Have fun.

Morag: Seeya.

Scat: Seeya.
Bye.
Don’t become a stranger.
x

Morag is offline. Messages you send will be delivered when Morag comes online.


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Comment whoring :: How is it possible that I - a fairly intelligent human being - can be such an incredible arsehole?



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28 comments:

Anonymous said...

Stan, we're all such incredible arseholes. That's life, I'm afraid.

For what it's worth, I'd recommend that you try to find a lady who likes you for your brain, not for your blog.

The Monkeyman said...

I don't see how you are being an arsehole really.

If I was in a similar situation I probably would have set fire to something by now, probably something living.

Fuck buddies really don't work when one person is likely to take it too seriously i.e. you are taking it too seriously and should exit from this 'relationship' completely as it will just mess you up more and more.

By the way, no offence to you Morag, you appear to have been completely honest about what you were both getting in to.

mike said...

That sucks. I'm sorry. No more preaching.

Mrs. Hall said...

Anon is very right. We can all be assholes.

Especially when you can't say 'This is hurting me, you messing with other guys. I like you, I like you a lot. When we are together you make me happy and I like you.'

But instead, it comes out like you wrote it.

All part of the growth process. Go easy on yourself.

Hugs

Mrs. Hall

Annie said...

I have a friend called Christ. This is him here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/annierhiannon/2346232497/

Perhaps it is the same one.

And I don't think you're an arsehole. I mean, it's normal to be really uninterested in someone until they get laid by someone else. God knows I did it in my last relationship.

caroline said...

Sorry BDJ, that sounds horrible.I don't know what else to say, except as you observed in the comments to your speed dating post, 'wine always helps' x

Angelalala said...

Arseholedom is a natural reaction to mixed signals.

Morag initiated this whole fuckbuddy thing, did she not? She then wanted to move up a gear, just as you'd worked out that you could protect your feelings whilst getting your leg over, got miffed that you didn't switch off 'protect' mode the very instant she hinted it may be welcome and now produces this 'been interested in me for a while' third wheel.

Seems to me you both have a lot of dummy shaped bruises and a lot to offer the other if you could only learn to actually communicate whilst speaking.

Clare Sudders said...

Wot Mike said.

Although for the record, I think you've both been idiotic but neither of you have been arseholes. Just fallible insecure human beings who don't communicate very well.

suburbanhen said...

You live and learn, Bete. How exactly does this make you an arsehole, anyway?

I'm mostly on your side with this one. While I don't think either of you conducted yourselves brilliantly, it's hard for me to cut Morag slack when she's a reader of this blog. She knew exactly what she was getting herself in for with you. And perhaps even more so than your 'average' blogger, because you have been so open and so frank with people from the outset.

Is it possible that you might be done with no strings attached sex?

Er, sorry, I just realised the absurdity of that question. Because I have been reading all along, and this is you we're talking about. Bete, say no to sex even if saying yes means he's going to get hurt emotionally?

I think you'd probably even say 'please'.

Peach said...

she doesn't sound so nice stan, no biggie, but sorry you're sad

Sx

the tombstone said...

Sounds to me like you had your chance chief. Just wait to if this Christ thing balls up and then ask her out if it does.

Misssy M said...

No-one could react to that news calmly. You are not an arsehole. Morag is messing you about, I'm afraid. Christ will be back for a second coming and you know it.

What? No-one else thought of saying that? C'mon! You ALL did!

Ani Smith said...

Here's a tip: fuckbuddies don't have conversations, especially not of the 'where is this relationship headed?' variety. Fuckbuddies just fuck, the buddies part is a complete misnomer. There's nothing wrong (and quite a lot right, in fact) with fuckbuddies if the ground rules are clearly laid out, but before you can do that you have to be honest with yourself about your real reasons for wanting to take part in such a deal. Being honest with yourself isn't easy at the best of times.

If there is a physical attraction and you get together to satisfy that, that's great. But it's never so uncomplicated, is it? Especially for people with self-esteem problems (like you, like me).

For what it's worth, I don't think you really wanted Morag herself (I couldn't be wrong of course, only you can know that) and you'll get over the hurt pretty quickly. Especially, since you have an introspection tool that a lot of people don't have: blogging.

You just want a girl. Don't we all. ;)

[You're also a wonderful writer, so wonderful I hate you for dragging me right into your psychodrama! You comment whore!]

catherine said...

Go read the Beatrice entry, if only to know you're hardly the only person pining unhealthfully.

Selena said...

Oh, for Fuck's sake!!!

For what it's worth I don't see you being a pretentious oaf, nor an arsehole.

I'm curious, Morag did you tell Stan you wanted to take your relationship to the next level when you already had plans to spend the weekend with someone else? Someone else who was not just a friend-that's fricking rich! "I want to get serious with you, but in case you reject me- I have another one all lined up."

Seriously? It must be nice to just turn your feelings on and off. Yet, I get it- I do. You were just backing up your ego in case of rejection.

However, it just makes it a case of the pot and the kettle, when you turn around and tell Stan to grow up. The whole, "Love me or else I'm going to go screw Christ on a jolly holiday," is quite childish. Sorry, but it is.

I don't even know how a person could say that you want to take things to the next level with someone and then turn around and screw someone else-unless it's out of pain or spite and meant to be malicious and hurtful.

OK so...
She's lashing out to hurt Stan, because Stan hurt her with his teetering on the fence of commitment, which of course Stan did because of Morag's lack of commitment and hurts dealt to him in the beginning....AYE!

Am I the only one who feels like this conversation is swimming in circles?

And you Stan- WTF!! what's up with the Mango act- Fine then just leave..wait no don't go..."No. Go away. I hate you!", I'm sorry babe I didn't mean it, "(No. Go away!) You can't-a-have-a de Mango!"

OK, so when a Not Relationship comes down to counting blows and slights- I think it's time to call it quits. Remember GOD loves quitters (ok, I made that up.)

Honestly, both of you need to cut your losses and move on.

Albeit, Morag's got the jump on moving on, it's never too late for you to follow suite Stan.

Take the good times; appreciate that you had fun, admit that it didn't work (don't place blame) move on, and hope that it's given you insight into your next relationship.

It would probably be best to not talk or see each other- at least- not for awhile.

OK, that is the good advice that no one ever takes. Instead- because we are silly creatures- we poke at the wound more. Just like when you get back with an Ex, despite all the things that went wrong the 1st time.

Also, I think it's funny that someone mentioned not finding Jesus attractive in a comment a while back, and now here Morag is, fucking Christ... I'm guffawing- really!!! LOL

Larry Teabag said...

"Incredible arsehole", my arsehole.

This guy's, an incredible arsehole. So's he, and so's he.

But you're not. At absolute worst you're a very small bit of an arsehole. A single mild pile, perhaps.

Amy said...

Christ.

What happened to wanting a relationship with you?

Move on and up, my darling.

Cat said...

I think the messages have been really mixed between both of you, and when you think about it logically (which is hard) she offered you what she thought you wanted, and you said no. So she's either punishing you with Christ, or she's with him because she's well within her rights - you turned her down.

Either way, it stinks. Which is rubbish.

Anonymous said...

Not an arsehole.

Having serious conversations online always seems to end in tears though, alas.

Lilith said...

Quit playing games and move on.

It wont be easy and probably isnt fair either, I know.
But thats the "right" option.


BUT since I have been trough similar situations in the past and I know you just wont listen or listen but dont use or take the advices people might give you, I will tell you how I see things from my -female-dramatic- point of view: Morag only wanted you to show some love and affection. She was testing you to see if you loved (or something) her.

And she got pissed because 1) you failed her "test", and 2) you did not only not show any of the feelings or reactions she was longing to hear but you also talked/wrote to her saying all those things in a way that you hurt her more.

At first she wasnt hurt, just you know... she was being a WOMAN!, she was just asking you to love her in our particular language.
But then when you just didnt said what she wanted to hear she got pissed and hurt.

Actually more than hurt I think she felt you let her down.

She wasnt expecting you to ask her to marry you or any thing like that, just to say you were jealous or any similar kind of thing.

I share what others said about the need of learning to communicate and everything but most of all, LOVE YOURSELVE.

Im still trying to learn to love myself.

But until you learn to do that or at least start to try and love yourself, you wont be ready for a relationship. Not for a successful one.

Greatings from La Palma,
Lilith.
ps. see this picture http://www.sculpturegallery.com/thirteen/atlas.jpg

Since you are so wise I think you will know the story of Atlas, right?
He was condemned to carry the world upon his shoulders.
Sometimes when I think of you or comment your blog with someone else that picture comes to my mind.
I see you as Atlas, but you are not carrying the world upon your shoulders, you are carrying guilt (that from my own vital experiencie I guess thats heavier than the whole earth haha).
And thats why I honestly wish you to remove that guilt from you someday, you deserve that, to be free from that sh*t.
I know all I need to know of you to be able to say that you are not only lovely, but LOVABLE, if you know what I mean.
Be well.

42 said...

On line chats are awful. It seems no matter what you say you just seem to get it right. I've recently ended a friendship because of emails and how easy it is to confuse their meaning. Besides, he was a twat.

Anyway, Morag seems to run hot and cold and personally, I have little patience for that kind of behaviour. I don't do well with high maintenance relationships and as soon as they start playing the maybe yes, maybe no game I'm over it. Especially if they start making requests, demanding even, to talk about them on my blog.

Perhaps some time away from Morag might cure her of that "I want you all to myself...wait...no I don't...wait...Yes I do" syndrome.

Geez. Women.

Lauren said...

if she jumped on someone else so quickly she certainly didn't have it for you for real, or at least not in the way you'd want a lady to have it for you. she just needs a bloke to want her for her own sense of security. pity for her

Clare Sudders said...

P.S. You're only an arsehole because you think you're an arsehole. The question "Why am I such an arsehole?" was borne of self loathing, as was all your silly behaviour (and hers) in these conversations.

Catofstripes said...

"How is it possible that I - a fairly intelligent human being - can be such an incredible arsehole?"

I take it you're referring to the rather uncool way you reacted to her news... no big deal I would have thought, could have happened to anyone.

So with the arsehole connection disposed of, what are we left with?

The end of a fuck buddy relationship. Pity. You did about the same as any normal human would and I think, because I know even less about her than I do you, Morag is pretty damn ordinary too.

Hell, Stan, I suspect nearly all of your regular (and have you noticed mostly female) readers would give you a shag out of affection and sympathy. And for 99.9% that would be it after a week or so. Sex does not a lifetime commitment make, even though it might feel like it for a few moments at the start of any sexual interaction.

Like nearly everyone else has said, move on, and try not to be sad. You can do it.

Selena said...

I just realized something-the part where you're asking Morag about the sex and if it was good totally reminds me of the movie, Indecent Proposal.

Diane and David- talk about the night that they chose to sell one night with her for 1 million to Robert Redford.

" Tell me what happened on that boat.

- Don't do this!

Why?'Cause I want to know.

-All right, I'll tell you.
-The man was a fucking stallion.

-Should I say we did it all night?
-Does that do it for you?

Is that the truth?

- You don't want the fucking truth.
-You want me to lie.

-So I'll tell you he's awful,
-and you won't believe me.

Just tell me the truth, D.

-It was sex, David.
-Just sex. Not love.

Was it good sex?

- Don't do this.

Can you just tell me that?
What are you hesitating for?
Just tell me. Was it good?
Was it good? Was it good?

-Yes.

.............
.............silent anger
-David?"


Ok maybe it's a bit early to make light of the situation- but really-Every now and then- people need to be reminded to stop being so cliché.

Paul said...

Sigh, clearly all this relationship stuff was a gigantic maneuver for her to get rid of you while maintaining the moral high ground. Try to comfort yourself with the thought that it couldn't have turned out any other way.

Swineshead said...

She's an anus! Get shot!

If a friend were describing this to me in a pub, this would be the point where I said 'y'know, I always thought she was a bitch'

somechileanwoman said...

She is a jerk, honest, but still a jerk.

That being said, I understand the finger tick thing...For work I have to type the word WIFE all the time and always end up with the word WIFER...what the hell is that all about?